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Thread: Worst Lyrics Ever Recorded?

  1. #176
    Quote Originally Posted by Sturgeon's Lawyer View Post
    ^^^ Almost as bad as "Ebony and Ivory".

    Pete Townshend once dissed "E&I" in an interview, then added, "Of course, I'm guilty of 'Squeeze Box'".
    Squeeze Box, Why Did I Fall For That, Athena, Did You Steal My Money, How Can You Do It Alone, Face The Face, etc.

    re: That Would Be Something,

    Being not really familiar with McCartney's solo records, beyond the singles, my only experience with this song is a cover by...well, it was during a Grateful Dead show, but it basically just Garcia. I think they only did it once, sometime in the early 90's. The story I read in one of the Dead books I have is that Jerry was backstage before a show at the Boston Garden. Apparently, it was like the third or fourth show of a multi-night run.

    Anywya, he started talking to a fan who had gotten backstage and I guess Jerry asked him what he might like to hear that night. The guy started to suggest the Help On The Way/Slipknot/Franklin's Tower suite, but then realized they had done it the first night of the run, but then said something like "But there's no rule saying you can't play it again", and Jerry chuckled and said, "Yeah, that would really be something". Then, that night, not only did they do the Help On The Way suite, but as the band climbed out of the space jam during the second set, Jerry launched into That Would Be Something, apparently spontaneously, reputedly as a response to the pre-show conversation. That could be just an urban legend, though.

  2. #177
    Quote Originally Posted by JAMOOL View Post
    look pop music frightens and confuses me too but I'm pretty sure I can parse this song out. she loves Chinese food. when did it become wrong to love??

    pretty sure that came from one of those songwriting factories that produced Rebecca Black's infamous "Friday"...which is a treasure trove of great/terrible lines. "Gotta have my bowl/gotta have cereal" still pops into my head every time I reach for the Cheerios




    this was my first thought - not just that it's clearly Greg asking the recording engineer "hey, do you know any words that rhyme with 'sadder'?" but also that it's the money line in the song. I assumed for a long time I was hearing it wrong, no way would Lake write a lyric that dumb. turns out he's written a lot of dumb lyrics. he's practically a savant when it comes to them - "Touch and Go" sounds like it was entirely sourced from Bartlett's Book of Overwrought Cliches
    "Can you believe/God makes you breathe/Why did he lose/Six million Jews" comes on like a pile-up in the middle of the Indy 500.

  3. #178
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halmyre View Post
    "Can you believe/God makes you breathe/Why did he lose/Six million Jews" comes on like a pile-up in the middle of the Indy 500.
    One of the most cringe-inducing lines in all of popular music - not just bad writing, but sickeningly tactless. I know what his point was, but why, oh why did he have to say it that way?

  4. #179
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Instrumental music has its benefits.

  5. #180
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    ^^^

    As does music in languages one doesn't understand. I wonder how much music I really dig would be diminished if I could hear how lame the lyrics actually are. I always imagine the lyrics are beautiful and profound especially when sung in Italian, although I do understand a bit and PFM seems to have fairly solid lyrics in Italian and in English translation.

  6. #181
    MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don't think that I can take it
    'Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I'll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no


    I'm surprised nobody mentioned this one yet. There's even a prog link. Justin Hayward covered it.
    "The White Zone is for loading and unloading only. If you got to load or unload go to the White Zone!"

  7. #182
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    I wonder how much music I really dig would be diminished if I could hear how lame the lyrics actually are.
    Reportedly, Kluster's "Zwei Osterei" (or was it "Klopfzeichen"?) narration is a bunch of ridiculous pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo. I've never seen a translation.

  8. #183
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator

    I am adding
    And subtracting
    I'm controlling
    And composing

    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator

    I am adding
    And subtracting
    I'm controlling
    And composing

    By pressing down a special key
    It plays a little melody
    By pressing down a special key
    It plays a little melody

    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    "And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision."

    Occasional musical musings on https://darkelffile.blogspot.com/

  9. #184
    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    Reportedly, Kluster's "Zwei Osterei" (or was it "Klopfzeichen"?) narration is a bunch of ridiculous pseudo-religious mumbo-jumbo. I've never seen a translation.
    Both of them, I believe. I think I read once that those two albums were founded by some church based organization, that's why they had the religious texts.

  10. #185
    Quote Originally Posted by The Dark Elf View Post
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator

    I am adding
    And subtracting
    I'm controlling
    And composing

    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator

    I am adding
    And subtracting
    I'm controlling
    And composing

    By pressing down a special key
    It plays a little melody
    By pressing down a special key
    It plays a little melody

    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    I'm the operator
    With my pocket calculator
    The Model and We Are The Robots were pretty terrible too. Those guys shoulda stuck to singing in German. I've heard it suggested one of the reasons Autobahn was such a big Stateside hit was because there was "mystery" about what the words were about. Same thing later with Nena's 99 Luftballoons: the German version was actually a bigger hit Stateside than the English version.

  11. #186
    Quote Originally Posted by GuitarGeek View Post
    Both of them, I believe. I think I read once that those two albums were founded by some church based organization, that's why they had the religious texts.
    That’s why I find the much-loved Eden albums hard to stomach. I know just enough German to understand how Jesus-y they are. Heimkehr is by far the worst offender, lots of “Alleluias” and dry German-language sermons (“Und Gott, der Herr...”). Apparently, most of that album is traditional church hymns, progged up. Perelandra holds back on that nonsense somewhat, and is the most tolerable for me (the varied instrumentation also helps)
    Confirmed Bachelors: the dramedy hit of 1883...

  12. #187
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    Excuse the OT, but interestingly, per Wiki:
    actually, that was quite interesting and co,nfirmed what I thought. They'd never met.

    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    Instrumental music has its benefits.
    Yup, if you have nothing intelligent to say, let your music do thev talking.
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

  13. #188
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Progbear View Post
    . Apparently, most of that album is traditional church hymns, progged up. )
    Popol Vuh's vocal albums have a lot of allelujahs.

  14. #189
    Member Casey's Avatar
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    Submitted for your consideration: "Smell yo' dick."

    You'll have to look it up. If I see it again I'll have to shower in alcohol to get rid of the filth.
    I've got a bike you can ride it if you like

  15. #190
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    Zappa received a letter from Varèse. Zappa framed this letter and kept it in his studio for the rest of his life.
    Mr. Edgard Varèse 188 Sullivan St. New York, New York

    Dear Sir:

    Perhaps you might remember me from my stupid phone call last January, if not, my name again is Frank Zappa Jr. I am 16 years old ... that might explain partly my disturbing you last winter. The reason for my letter at this time is that I am visiting relatives in Baltimore and as long as I am on the East Coast I hope I can get to see you.

    It might seem strange but ever since I was 13 I have been interested in your music. The whole thing stems from the time when the keeper of this little record store sold me your album "The Complete Works of Edgard Varèse, Vol.l." The only reason I knew it existed was that an article in either LOOK or the POST mentioned it as being noisy and unmusical and only good for trying out the sound systems in high fidelity units (referring to your "IONISATIONS"). I don't know how the store I got it from ever obtained it, but, after several hearings, I became curious and bought it for $5.40, which, at the time seemed awfully high and being so young, kept me broke for three weeks. Now I wouldn't trade it for anything and I am looking around for another copy as the one I have is very worn and scratchy.

    After I had struggled through Mr. Finklestein's notes on the back cover (I really did struggle too, for at the time I had had no training in music other than practice at drum rudiments) I became more and more interested in you and your music. I began to go to the library and take out books on modern composers and modern music, to learn all I could about Edgard Varèse. It got to be my best subject (your life) and I began writing my reports and term papers on you at school. At one time when my history teacher asked us to write on an American that has really done something for the U.S.A. I wrote on you and the Pan American Composers League and the New Symphony. I failed. The teacher had never heard of you and said I made the whole thing up. Silly but true. That was in my Sophomore year in high school.

    Throughout my life all the talents and abilities that God has left me with have been self developed, and when the time came for Frank to learn how to read and write music, Frank taught himself that too. I picked it all up from the library.

    I have been composing for two years now, utilizing a strict twelve-tone technique, producing effects that are reminiscent of Anton Webern.

    During those two years I have written two short woodwind quartets and a short symphony for winds, brass and percussion.

    Recently I have been earning my keep at home with my blues band, the BLACKOUTS. We have done quite well and in my association with my fellow musicians I am learning to play other instruments besides drums.

    I paint in oils and watercolor and last year produced a cartoon film in school by painting color directly onto a 250 foot reel of cleared 16 mm movie film. I painted on the color in such a way that I managed to closely, but not completely, synchronize their movements to your "DENSITY 21.5" and the second "movement" of "OCTANDRE". It brought about some amazing results from the audience and my counselors in the office allowed me to make a trip I had planned to Walt Disney studios with the film.

    Nothing ever came of my trip, but when I got back to school I was informed I had a chance to be skipped from the Junior year in high school to the Freshman year at the junior college which adjoined the school as an experiment.

    I went to the Jaycee and studied harmony and music appreciation and history for one semester and came out of it with A's and B's.

    I plan to go on and be a composer after college and I could really use the counsel of a veteran such as you. If you would allow me to visit with you for even a few hours it would be greatly appreciated.

    It may sound strange but I think I have something to offer you in the way of new ideas. One is an elaboration on the principle of Ruth Seeger's contrapuntal dynamics and the other is an extension of the twelve-tone technique which I call the inversion square. It enables one to compose harmonically constructed pantonal music in logical patterns and progressions while still abandoning tonality.

    Would you please reply as soon as possible because I will not be here much longer. My address here is 4803 Loch Raven Blvd., Baltimore Maryland. Phone Hopkins 77336. Thank you for your consideration. Sincerely,

    Frank Zappa Jr.
    http://wiki.killuglyradio.com/wiki/Z...to_Var%C3%A8se
    Dear Mr Zappa

    I am sorry not to be able to grant your request, but I am leaving for Europe next week and will be gone until next spring. I am hoping however to see you on my return.

    With best wishes
    Sincerely

    Edgard Varèse
    https://www.kickstarter.com/projects.../posts/1531564
    Last edited by rcarlberg; 10-17-2019 at 10:04 AM.

  16. #191
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    ^^^

    Thanks for posting. It really show's Franks precociousness and focus!

  17. #192
    John Boegehold
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    Quote Originally Posted by ronmac View Post
    MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
    All the sweet, green icing flowing down
    Someone left the cake out in the rain
    I don't think that I can take it
    'Cause it took so long to bake it
    And I'll never have that recipe again
    Oh, no


    I'm surprised nobody mentioned this one yet. There's even a prog link. Justin Hayward covered it.
    Why go to Justin Hayward? The original version is seven-and-a-half minutes long with three distinct movements that include multiple time, tempo and key signature changes with (seemingly) inscrutable lyrics. Seems to me there are many songs that ended up on the radio by "official" prog artists that are far less proggy than the Richard Harris version of MacArthur Park.

    BTW, Jimmy Webb wrote the song and the lyrics are metaphor of a failed relationship based on imagery of a sudden rainstorm that wrecked a birthday party being held in MacArthur Park here in L.A.. Without knowing the story, the lyrics don't make a whole lot of sense though.

  18. #193
    Member Mr.Krautman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brainforest View Post
    Why go to Justin Hayward? The original version is seven-and-a-half minutes long with three distinct movements that include multiple time, tempo and key signature changes with (seemingly) inscrutable lyrics. Seems to me there are many songs that ended up on the radio by "official" prog artists that are far less proggy than the Richard Harris version of MacArthur Park.

    BTW, Jimmy Webb wrote the song and the lyrics are metaphor of a failed relationship based on imagery of a sudden rainstorm that wrecked a birthday party being held in MacArthur Park here in L.A.. Without knowing the story, the lyrics don't make a whole lot of sense though.
    A great song (knowing the context) with a proggy multi-parts structure. Actually there were a couple of prog bands covering it, Justin Hayward but also BEGGAR's OPERA (much better) and (more recently) this incredible version by The NEAL MORSE BAND which (IMO) outperforms all the other know versions of this song:

    Last edited by Mr.Krautman; 10-17-2019 at 04:30 PM.

  19. #194
    John Boegehold
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Krautman View Post
    A great song (knowing the context) with a proggy multi-parts structure. Actually there were a couple of prog bands covering it, Justin Hayward but also BEGGAR's OPERA (much better) and (more recently) this incredible version by The NEAL MORSE BAND which (IMO) outperforms all the other know versions of this song:

    I'm probably in the minority but I''ve never been a big fan of covers. I understand liking different versions of songs but I can't remember the last time there was a cover of a classic song on an album I bought that I listened to more than once then immediately deleted from iTunes. And don't get me started on artists who play a cover or two live when they have a whole backlog of their own material they could be drawing from haha

  20. #195
    Quote Originally Posted by Brainforest View Post
    Why go to Justin Hayward? The original version is seven-and-a-half minutes long with three distinct movements that include multiple time, tempo and key signature changes with (seemingly) inscrutable lyrics. ...
    You're correct.
    "The White Zone is for loading and unloading only. If you got to load or unload go to the White Zone!"

  21. #196
    re: MacArthur Park,

    I still like Donna Summer's version, though she did leave a couple bits out (and stuck a couple other songs in the middle, as I recall her version is something like 20 minutes long).

  22. #197
    Member IMWeasel's Avatar
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    One of the dumbest songs Ive ever heard but its actually kinda catchy https://youtu.be/g6slPtpJOUA
    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

  23. #198
    ^^^ Yep, that's almost as dumb as her big hit. Maybe dumber.

    As for "MacArthur Park," I also like Donna Summer's version - it's got a lot of guts and emotion in it. But I've only heard the "short" version.

    (Goes and listens to the long version with the interpolated songs) Yeah, that kind of goes on too long.

    But my absolutely favorite version is still "Weird" Al's. I'm attaching a live version - this is a four piece band making all this noise.

    Cobra handling and cocaine use are a bad mix.

  24. #199
    Quote Originally Posted by TheLoony View Post
    I totally dig this one. I brought this one on to work one day. The other guy was tripping out when this came on. He probably thought I was off my rocker singing along with it. He was most likely right but that's another story for another day.

    I like traffic lights
    I like traffic lights
    I like traffic lights
    No matter where they've been

    Where would a traffic light up and go to?
    That's part of the joke....the most pathetic rhyme with `Green' possible....as also evidenced by the line "although my name's not Bamber" being probably the only thing which would ever rhyme with `Amber' !

  25. #200
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Krautman View Post
    A great song (knowing the context) with a proggy multi-parts structure. Actually there were a couple of prog bands covering it, Justin Hayward but also BEGGAR's OPERA (much better) and (more recently) this incredible version by The NEAL MORSE BAND which (IMO) outperforms all the other know versions of this song:
    Interesting. He pretty much wrote entirely new music for the second "song" section - the part at about 4:00 that starts, "There will be another song for me.......".

    I once worked on, but never finished, a version that interpolated bits of four or five prog classics - notably, the piano part from "Firth of Fifth" and the flute bridge for "Nights in White Satin".

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