MST3K

[Dave (in MA)]

What movie do you guys have as worst ever made?

I have a hard time imagining anything worse than The Creeping Terror.

[TheLoony]

I have a hard time imagining anything worse than The Creeping Terror.

Kiss Meets The Phantom Of The Park? Sgt. Pepper? Anything with Russell Crowe?

[notallwhowander]

Oh, Master & Commander was alright. However, never saw the genius in Gladiator or L.A. Confidential.

Just imagining the lads taking the piss out of Gladiator makes me smile.

[Jerjo]

Gladiator has not aged well. But damn, LA Confidential still holds up. Besides, it's an ensemble piece: Guy Pierce, Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Kim Bassinger (won an Oscar for her role), David Strathairn, James Cromwell in a role that made his fans from the Babe movie crawl under their theater seats... They did an excellent job of distilling a very twisted book into what was still a pretty complicated movie plot. It bears up under repeated viewings. I bet I see it at least once a year.

Captain Dudley Smith: Have you a valediction, boyo?
Jack Vincennes: ... Rollo Tomasi.

[TheLoony]

Oh, Master & Commander was alright. However, never saw the genius in Gladiator or L.A. Confidential.

Just imagining the lads taking the piss out of Gladiator makes me smile.

Gladiator was the first time I ever saw Crowe and I absolutely hated that flick. Thought he was awful in it. The other flick of his I've seen was so good I can't even remember what it was. IOW, I agree that Gladiator would make a good movie to riff on.

I think I'll never get over Gladiator and always dislike Crowe, even if he can act.

Been a long day. Methinks I'll relax with Robot Holocaust.

[trurl]

Gladiator was sort of a big budget BS remake of I, Claudius, I thought, only with less baby eating. It's been years since I've seen it, but it seems like Romper Stopmer was pretty good- Crowe actually came off as a credible tough guy. And I do like Master and Commander. Beyond that, the name Russel Crowe usually means "avoid" for me.

[notallwhowander]

Been a long day. Methinks I'll relax with Robot Holocaust.

Stone cold classic ep.

[simon moon]

Gladiator has not aged well. But damn, LA Confidential still holds up. Besides, it's an ensemble piece: Guy Pierce, Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Kim Bassinger (won an Oscar for her role), David Strathairn, James Cromwell in a role that made his fans from the Babe movie crawl under their theater seats... They did an excellent job of distilling a very twisted book into what was still a pretty complicated movie plot. It bears up under repeated viewings. I bet I see it at least once a year.

Captain Dudley Smith: Have you a valediction, boyo?
Jack Vincennes: ... Rollo Tomasi.

Couldn't agree more!

I could watch that movie anytime, repeatedly.

As many great performances there are, Cromwell's is the best. He says more with just his expressions than most of the other actors say with their dialog.

And to think that Titanic won for best picture that year. Not that it was a bad movie, but it is not in the same league as LA Confidential.

[TheLoony]

Stone cold classic ep.

I often wonder about the film industry. Who put up the money to make this, didn't they read the bloody script, or should I say lack of a script? Do these people actually think they are actors? I know I can't act yet I bet I could be more convincing than these flakes.

Seriously, a chick wearing a kitchen mat working for the evil robots, why, I have no clue. She's partially unintelligible and the robot prawns can't be understood at all. There's warrior women that hate men, only God knows why, that I'm pretty sure are in the wrong movie(forget the name but it came later, some of you probably know what I'm talking about). Then there's Ted Nugent, only he can't speak(thank all the Gods for that). There's a colored ball that I'm not sure if it's a character in the movie. Then there's the "good" robot, working with the "protagonists", who goes to sleep when they all do. Wouldn't the robot be the perfect guard, as IT DOESN'T HAVE TO SLEEP??? And lastly, how is the "room of questions" supposed to be scary or evil, or anything for that matter? The room of questions is worse than the rock of wisdom in that awful Bestmaster flick, but only slightly. And those "monsters" that were really just arms with socks and fake teeth on them. Ooooh, SCARY!!!!


I know, I know, I'm asking questions I don't want the answers too as they might be too painful. At least there were a lot of rock jokes in the "flick", Ted Nugent, Heart, Billy Idol, Spinal Tap(Hello, Cleveland!).

It's all just socks and violence.

[TheLoony]

Moon Zero Two - 0111

Somewhere along the line, someone HAD to have told the idiots making this gem that the jazz music and lame-ass attempts at showtunes just weren't right for a space flick. But they forged on anyway.

This one is almost comprehensible. There are some bad guys, although the main baddie isn't around much. He's got a monocle and a accent, so you just know he has to be evil. There's special effects featuring Fisher-Price automobiles and tiniy weinermobiles that are neither specil, nor really could be considered effects. They also suspended the laws of physics, as guns don't work in the vacuum of space, but who needs accuracy when making a movie.

Priceless, though, for the music. It never ends and may be the most irritating sounds ever put on tape. A couple hours of cat torture sounds would be easier to listen to than what was comitted here, which is a sound crime of epic proportions. Or, would have been if anyone had ever seen this movie.

I would be remiss by not mentioning the cartoon credits, almost as compelling as watching a sleeping brick. It had about as much to do with this movie as a $15 blender, which the cartoon and script should have been thrown into and shredded, but alas, they didn't.

Season 1 is a trip. Don't know if I'll ever get used to Servos original voice and it's just not the same without TV's Frank.

In space, no one can hear a wedgie.

[Bucka001]

Apparently, the old mst3k eps will be rerun on Retro TV (which, of course, has an affiliate everywhere else in the country except Chicago)

[hippypants]

Moon Zero II sounds like something I'd enjoy, sort of a Ed Wood clueless attempt. Good review.

[TheLoony]

MZ2, unlike Ed Wood flicks, had a actual budget. Sets, costumes, wienermobiles on the moon, jazz band(probably also on the moon), cartoonists, etc. None of which helped make the movie entertaining in any way, shape or form, mind you, but they did spend money.

The cartoon credits reminded me of the Pink Panther movies. I have my suspicions they were trying to pull off something similar to those flicks but they just failed in epic fashion.

I may end up with nightmares involving the dreaded jazz from this one. There's good jazz, bad jazz and really awful jazz(think of that scene in Jerry MacGuire where he's making it with the girl and listening to the Coltrane, that was basically my reaction - through the whole movie, though). I don't know if this stuff could be considered really awful, that might be insulting to really awful jazz.

Thank God for people who make lousy movies. Shows a level of comittment that baffles me but they continue on and leave us with these classics. Also, let us be thankful for Japanese guys in rubber suits. I'd be all in if you told me we were going to see a movie with Japanese guys in rubber suits.

By the by, I went and saw a real movie the other day. Speaking of Japaneses movies, saw the trailer for another remake of Godzilla coming out soon with Bryan Cranston and it looks really killer. The didn't really show Godzilla until the last shot but he was pretty scary and cool. I'll probably pull my Sis and Bro-in-law to that one as they treated me to Pacific Rim last year, a rubber suited homage, so to speak. Cool flick, that was, but did they pull that speech directly from Independance Day? Sure sounded like it.

[District97]

Just a heads up that reruns of the show will be airing starting July on RetroTV (which I don't get)!

[zombywoof]

MST3K is back and on National Geographic TODAY!!

http://us1.campaign-archive2.com/?u=...&id=b0e514a12f

[PeterG]

MST3K??? I've tried but can suss it out.

[oilersfan]

MST3K??? I've tried but can suss it out.

Mystery Science Theater 3000

[PeterG]

Thanks.

[TheLoony]

0108 - Slime People

The people involved in making this movie would have you think it's about slime people. This is simply untrue.

This movie is brought to you by Smoke-Machines-R-Us. They have smoke machines for all your needs, from a light summers fog to machines that can BLOODY TAKE OUT THE ENTIRE FILM IN ONE FELL SWOOP.

There may be slime. There may, actually, be people. I am unsure. There is some dramatic driving music,smoke, fog, possibly smog as it's in L.A., possibly a impenetrable wall of smoke that is broken by a bucket of salt(at this point, I'm just making stuff up), smoke, fog, more smoke and fog, some guys in rubber suits doing dramatic death scenes after the deadly balloon was killed(by a spear, not the salt, mind you, I'm not sure what happened to the salt as I COULDN'T SEE) and the smoke stopped just in time for the end of the movie.

It seems chicks in 1950's end of the world scenarios are quite amorous. The chicks portrayed here behind the smoke of fog would hook up with anyone, and did.

There also were a professor and a Marine. Not that anything I say makes any difference, I may or may not be making it up. Which leads me to the point that there is no point. None, whatsoever, to be made from film history such as this. Watch if you dare, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I kinda wished I had died as the pain of this one will linger like a bad fart.

[Bucka001]

There are a bunch of MST3K eps on Netflix and Hulu. It's given me a chance to catch up on some I haven't seen before. My wife and I watched Devil Fish the other night and laughed ourselves silly in a few spots. Good ol' MST3K! It's good to know that, as many as I've seen (which is a substantial number), there still are a bunch I look forward to discovering whenever I get a chance (especially from the later Pearl/Brain Guy/Bobo era, which I didn't catch the first time around).

Anyone else buy the MST3K book (basically a then-current episode guide) when it came out in the 90s? Still got my copy.

[zombywoof]

"Are you with the bride or the failure ?"

[hippypants]

I saw The Great Spider Invasion the other night, pretty funny:

[Rune Blackwings]

There are a bunch of MST3K eps on Netflix and Hulu. It's given me a chance to catch up on some I haven't seen before. My wife and I watched Devil Fish the other night and laughed ourselves silly in a few spots. Good ol' MST3K! It's good to know that, as many as I've seen (which is a substantial number), there still are a bunch I look forward to discovering whenever I get a chance (especially from the later Pearl/Brain Guy/Bobo era, which I didn't catch the first time around).

Anyone else buy the MST3K book (basically a then-current episode guide) when it came out in the 90s? Still got my copy.

I have it around here someplace. it's signed.

[Progbear]

I guess there will always be a market for lousy movies, heck, they made one called Sharknado and that one CAN'T be good.

Sharks in a tornado, a flying turtle, seriously? Who the hell thinks up crap like that?

Sharknado makes me cringe, it’s so obviously a very clinical attempt to make a “cult movie.” It never works when they do it self-consciously like that, and I’m shocked at how many people took the bait.

What movie do you guys have as worst ever made? I know my 1a/b picks(they are pretty much interchangeable) but I'm curious as to what others think.

Monster A-Go-Go. That movie had nothing going for it. Half of a half-finished movie, given to another director who made it worse. Also: the infuriating ending which turns it all into a pointless shaggy-dog story. I hate it when movies waste your time like that and always have (first time I booed out loud in a movie theater was at the “twist” ending to Explorers).

On the plus side: MA-G-G had some of the funniest host segments of any episode ever (probably because there was so little to work with, it encouraged creativity from the writing staff). The short was hilarious, too. And on the Something Weird DVD of the actual film, it’s paired with the hilariously inept Psyched by the 4-D Witch, an R-rated porn film! That’s kind of like O’Doul’s. “This tastes like iced redneck piss, and I can’t get drunk off of it! What is the f*#$ing point?”

Outside the world of MST, the most painful film viewing experiences were probably Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid and Mama Dracula. Nothing hurts as bad as failed comedy.

[Lieto]

The Beast of Yucca Flats is a horrendous movie. A great episode of MST3K, but man is this movie boring and miserable. Tor Johnson is always fun, but it still doesn't save this one.