Wow, haven't looked at that in years! Used it many times back in the day.... It still looks very 90s.Originally Posted by sonic
Wow, haven't looked at that in years! Used it many times back in the day.... It still looks very 90s.
Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.
*** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***
BTW, here's another blast from the past!
http://www.blazemonger.com/humor/how.to.review.html
How To Be a Great Progressive Rock Reviewer
In 10 Easy Steps
Daniel J. Barrett
(Posted in Usenet's alt.music.progressive, April 1, 1995)
Reviewing progressive rock albums can be simple. Are you tired of agonizing over the right words to use? Confused about your subject matter? Or are you just a lazy pig? Then use the following tips, and prog rockers everywhere will believe your every word. Trust me. Each tip is followed by an example so you can see exactly how it's done.
1. In every review, you MUST praise the Mellotron. Always describe it using the word "wash."
"Gentile Goyim's keyboardist, Kerry Mayonnaise, treats the listener to spectacular, warm washes of everybody's favorite Mellotron."
FOR BONUS POINTS, also mention the Hammond B-3, and imply violence.
"Greg Palmer's raw, two-fisted Hammond work pierces the listener's eardrums with sonic knives."
EXTRA BONUS POINTS if you mention either of these instruments, and they don't actually appear in the music.
"On the road, King Creampuff's keyboard setup consists of grand piano, harpsichord, and several analog synths, but strangely, no Mellotron."
2. Any band that uses cello automatically gets a rave review. For bonus points, use the word "haunting."
"As the music fades, a haunting solo cello appears out of nowhere, accompanied by a trio of Mellotrons, washing away."
Subtract ten points if you compare the music to "Eleanor Rigby."
3. If the music has flute in it, compare it to Jethro Tull. It doesn't matter that the music is really death metal, chanting monks, or atonal birdsong: YOU MUST MENTION TULL. For extra points, mention Camel too.
"Paraan's music features Hyperia Gomez on flute, inviting comparison to Jethro Tull or Camel, even though the flute's main use is as a handy mallet to bang several large gongs."
4. You don't have to bother describing the music. Just list the instruments and let the reader imagine the rest.
"From out of New Zealand comes Genghis Ka-Ka, one of the finest prog bands I've ever heard. If you are a fan of acoustic guitar, haunting cello, and explosive, annihilating Hammond B-3, you MUST check out this album."
5. Mention the length of at least one song. Extra points if you call it an "opus."
"Side 2 of the album is completely taken up by 'Ode to Bowser', a 22-minute magnum opus based on the theme from 'My Dog Has Fleas.'"
6. Casually mention the name of an extremely obscure band that one of the musicians used to play in, making your reader feel REALLY stupid or disloyal for not knowing it.
"... featuring Sergio Blammobarpher, whom fans will no doubt recall as the charismatic ex-triangle player from ubiquitous Icelandic proggers Hund Extinctski Thirstifollicle."
THE CUNEFORM COROLLARY: put completely obscure band names in parentheses for extra points.
"Rounding out the group's sound is Bridgid Kirsch (Dootwhapper, B'nai Gwelzh) on freshly washed Mellotron."
7. The Syn-Phonic Rule: Praise every album by calling it the "best" example of a totally contrived category. Don't forget the exclamation points.
* Museo Rubenstein, PASTAFAZOOL ($18). Possibly the ultimate Eskimo bassoon band of all time!!!!
8. If a progressive album features very long, drawn-out, incredibly repetitive, boring instrumentals, call it "space music."
"Space rockers Mimsy Borogoves specialize in atmospheric drones that last upwards of four hours before switching notes."
9. Use abbreviations known only to seasoned proggers.
"Zyzzyva's music is a thrilling blend of PFM, HTM, RIO, TNR, ZNR, and PDQ Bach."
10. Every keyboard/bass/drums trio MUST be compared to ELP.
Every quiet, symphonic prog album MUST be compared to PER UN AMICO.
All raw, loud music MUST be compared to King Crimson's RED.
All counterpoint MUST be compared to Gentle Giant. Bonus points if it sounds nothing like Gentle Giant.
Every "old Genesis style" band MUST be compared to Marillion, not Genesis.
Every male vocalist with a high voice MUST be compared to Jon Anderson.
Every female vocalist, regardless of range or style, MUST be compared to Annie Haslam.
Every band that uses sudden, unpredictable tempo and time signature changes MUST be compared to Barry Manilow.
"Angled Guard, Sweden's newest prog sensation, combines the beauty of PER UN AMICO with the rawness of RED, producing a progressive, symphonic extravaganza that could only have come from Marillion. Lead singers Jon Haslam and Annie Anderson are pictured on the album cover, inserting twin flutes up Barry Manilow's nose... taking the instrument far beyond anything Camel and Tull ever did."
Rock on, everybody.... (And happy AFD!)
Dan
---
Copyright 1995 by Daniel J. Barrett. All rights reserved.
This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
entirety. It may not be included in any publication without the written
permission of the author. So nyaaah.
Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.
*** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***
The friggin bible!
I have a printed copy, haven't perused it in years but I made most exploratory purchases based on it as I was first expanding my collection
BG
"When Yes appeared on stage, it was like, the gods appearing from the heavens, deigning to play in front of the people."
I remember someone who went by Yanks and took a lot of crap for his political views, so that must have been you.I also remember TheKobaian.
God that is so funny. I must've seen that posted on PE 10 years ago. I never got into r.m.p. I wandered in once knowing the the reputation it had already. I think I asked an innocent question sorta half knowing I'd probably get some sarcasm and eyerolls, so I didn't waste any time in getting into a mini flame war. I sorta provoked it. I figured I'd get right to it and not beat around the bushBTW, here's another blast from the past!
http://www.blazemonger.com/humor/how.to.review.html
How To Be a Great Progressive Rock Reviewer
In 10 Easy Steps
Daniel J. Barrett
(Posted in Usenet's alt.music.progressive, April 1, 1995). The real prog education I got was on www.prog.net. It felt like a message board but basically all your posts were album reviews. At the time it was a lot of fun. It was a world of discovery for me and I felt like I was part of a fraternity of nerds. I soon discovered that the "prog" I was into was just the tip of the iceberg, and Kansas was not considered prog. Woe unto ye who mention Kansas on a serious prog message board
You're All Right!
Christian Bekhuis certainly was there too.
I had a copy of the Gibraltar text version printed out, and I read the entire thing through many times. I learned a lot from that.
I was more outspoken back then, believe it or not. I was also shocked at the time to discover the vast majority of prog fans are to the left of me -I honestly didn't expect that to be the case. I know better now. Still get in trouble, but not like the RMP days.I remember someone who went by Yanks and took a lot of crap for his political views, so that must have been you.
I probably got into it with you more than once as did Tony Elka who was also a fixture there.
Me too,it was my bible for years until I got online with my WebTv in 1996,that was when I gave it away to my best friend Larry,because he didn't/doesn't have a computer and he loves prog. He was reading me reviews of Birth Control just the other day and I was shocked when he told me one of the reviewers of Backdoor Possibilities started with the word, YUK! I love that album and in fact, I just received my 2-disc remaster from 2007. There's a live disc on there I have not heard yet,but the album itself sounded incredible.
Like - Ur a good friend Rand : )
BG
"When Yes appeared on stage, it was like, the gods appearing from the heavens, deigning to play in front of the people."
Heh.
Zappa scholar Charles Ulrich outdid you. He just posted a reply to a question that he himself posed in alt.fan.frank-zappa in 2005, that up until now had no replies.
Funny!
I was there at a.m.p. and r.m.p. My handle was mostly Mick, I think. At least that was a later one. These newsgroups, although fraught with flame wars, brought to my attention in the 80s that there was still prog happening, and it was very much alive. I also hung out in rec.audio.pro, hobnobbing with some very high-level audio engineers. I learned quite a bit there, in more ways than one.
Gnish-gnosh borble wiff, shlauuffin oople tirk.
I still read r.m.p It's funny to see dorky PR flacks for has-beens like Greg Lake and Jeff Berlin breathlessly posting press releases about their charges's latest releases there, as if there were an actual prog audience reading there which can be reached with this Intertube thingy they've read about.
^ Hey, can't a penis enlarger enjoy prog too?
I love Usenet (or at least the idea of how it was in the late 80s and early 90s), but unfortunately didn't get to experience it till around 2002 or 2003. Then it was mostly just spam, but I did read r.m.p. fairly regularly. I don't think I posted any thing.
American Hollow - my prog band.
Are any of you guys on any prog yahoo groups? I admit you don't need RMP when you have PE or PA(progarchives)but you also don't really need yahoo groups either.
I am belong to a few, but just get the messages sent to my email.
American Hollow - my prog band.
I'm on Echolyn's Yahoo group, As the World.
Yeah, I still get some of those Yahoo group e-mails but I haven't bothered with that for years now. There's a sporadic Discipline one that still arrives in my Inbox a couple of times a year, and one for The Watch but I think that one devolved into gay porn ads, oddly enough.
I really miss the old days of those digest groups, it was always so exciting for me as a teen/early twentysomething. Reading some of those posts I made in 1992 was a real trip. Here I am more than twenty years later still talking about prog on the internet.
Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.
*** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***
I'm on that one and a few others but don't really check them out much and don't get the messages. I should probably either delete them or check them out more often.
Found a couple of posts of mine (just by Googling my first e-mail address) from The National Midnight Star RUSH digest, dated August and September 1992. I was nineteen then. And my excitement showed! I actually ended one of the posts with "Well, that's enough typing for now!"
... and here I am twenty-one years later, at age forty, still talking about Rush on the internet.
Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.
*** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***
Oh, a n00b.
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