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Thread: Childhood Should Have Killed Us - OK, Boomer Edition

  1. #101
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    Good Morning Folks!

    Whole summer days, at a creek, turning over rocks and gathering 'crawdads'.
    Yeah ~ Playboy magazineS under my mattress.
    I carried my share of golf clubs as a caddy at a private country club. My first car, a slightly used 1974 VW Beetle(bright orange), was purchased with said caddy money. Caddy Shack was sooooooo ON hahahahhaaaha
    No.... spanking seemed to be quite normal back then.
    Estes Rockets and H.O cars
    Jethro Tull Songs from the Wood $3.99 on vinyl release.
    18 years for 3.2% acontent beers, Pizza Hut, smoking allowed at table... all in one trip with buddies! I couldn't stand eateries having smoking these days. Seems so... dirty!

    Really have enjoyed this thread and the one on being geezerish.

    Carry On
    Chris Buckley

  2. #102
    The only corporal punishment I recall was in Jr. HS in Pennsylvania, and that was only in PE class (or, as we called it back then, Gym). They had a sawed-off end of a hockey stick that was labeled "Board of Education," and they weren't at all shy about using it on malingerers.
    Maka ki ecela tehani yanke lo!

  3. #103
    Firecrackers. My father used to bring them home. He also bought cigarette loads to try to encourage my mother to quit (it didn't work, though she did give it up several years later, thank God - and they're both still with us and active travelers). He let us play with them on July 4th every year: black cats, flying saucer things that screamed, bottle rockets, and so on.

    I was into model rockets. Those things had "engines" that were basically flame-retardant cardboard tubes stuffed with solid fuel. The size of the rocket tube determined the size of the engine you could fit it to, but one day I had the "bright" idea of taping a big engine to the bottom of one of my smaller rockets. I never saw that rocket again.

    A generation earlier, my father, in darkest Manhattan, liked to tie firecrackers (including M80s) to the tails of alley cats. Or toss both into a garbage can. He still thinks this is funny.
    Maka ki ecela tehani yanke lo!

  4. #104
    Occipital Provocatee Plasmatopia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sturgeon's Lawyer View Post
    Firecrackers. My father used to bring them home. He also bought cigarette loads...
    I never saw any actual cigarette loads other than the ads in comic books. When I was in high school one of my older brothers came home and stayed with us a few months. He was not supposed to be smoking in the house, but it was cold outside. So one night I put some black powder in the bottom of his ash tray. It nearly took his eyebrows off and I was awakened by him sitting on top of me and threatening me while I laughed.
    Just sitting at home rocking back and forth and jealously caressing my invisible collection of theoretical assets.

  5. #105
    Member Emeritus (A.M.P.) rcarlberg's Avatar
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    ^^^THAT's funny!!!!

  6. #106
    Member Lopez's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Plasmatopia View Post
    I... the ads in comic books.
    Remember those ads? 200 Army men for $1.98! Surplus weather balloons for sale! Boys, grow mushrooms in your basement! Real submarine for sale! Flying saucer detector! X-Ray Spex: Are those really bones you see in your hand?

    My brother bought one of the weather balloons. He inflated it in our bedroom by reversing a vacuum cleaner. It filled the room. We couldn't get out until he deflated it.

    Then we discovered the Johnson-Smith catalogue. We bought all the whoopy cushions, joy buzzers, fake dog crap, fake vomit, Avalanche Shaving Cream, onion gum, wrist rockets, etc. we could afford. We'd walk home from junior high and touch the high school girls with the joy buzzer just to hear them swear. One took a swing at me. Who knew a joy buzzer could be so dangerous.
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  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lopez View Post
    Then we discovered the Johnson-Smith catalogue. We bought all the whoopy cushions, joy buzzers, fake dog crap, fake vomit, Avalanche Shaving Cream, onion gum, wrist rockets, etc. we could afford.
    I lived off of the Johnson-Smith catalog in 7th grade...

    Ressurection Plant!
    Sea Monkeys!
    Steve F.

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  8. #108
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    Loved those novelty/gag ads in the back of comic books and in catalogues. I remember them so well, and my brother even sent away for those sea monkeys. What a disappointment those were!

    Not to turn this thread into simple nostalgia, but I'm curious: does anyone remember those "100-in-1" science kits with the coils and wires?
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  9. #109
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    I sent away for a glow in the dark shrunken head, and being a snotty little dope, I was disappointed that it was not real and didn't remotely look real. Sure real shrunken heads glow in the dark, right?
    The combined fortunes of the world's 26 richest individuals reached $1.4 trillion last year the same amount as the total wealth of the 3.8 billion poorest people.

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  10. #110
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    Fun thread! Late boomer here, with similar stories to all the great ones already told. What amazes me is the amount of looking-the-other-way that parents and other authority figures had (or chose?) to do. Anyone else had the words "you're under arrest for possession of marijuana" said to them by a cop, yet still manage to not actually get busted?

    Another side of the coin was the amount of responsibility allowed to us at a young age. Imagine, if you will, a community theatre group under the umbrella of the city parks department, where a (paid!) staff of high-school kids was trusted with keys to park facilities, use of city vehicles (including a flatbed and a pickup truck with which the theatre's portable stage was towed in the summertime), and full (24/7) access to the main theatre and class buildings, comprising three cottages and the renovated chapel of an old orphanage (complete with a network of steam tunnels). Adult supervision was loose at best. What could possibly go wrong?
    David
    Happy with what I have to be happy with.

  11. #111
    Banned Dave (in MA)'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lopez View Post
    fake vomit,.

    The flying creatures in this Star Trek episode were made from joke store fake vomit that the props guys modified with air bladders so that they could make them pulsate.

  12. #112
    Member nosebone's Avatar
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    When I was in high school the drinking age was 18 , but there were a few bars that served us beer at age 16!

    This was the late 70s, the era of "rock nightclubs", where you could see quality cover and all original bands on a nightly basis.

    In the tri state area (NY. NJ & Ct) we saw great bands like The Good Rats, Rat Race Choir and Twisted Sister( who I thought sucked).

    When the drinking age went to 21 in 1985, all of these fun nightclubs closed.
    no tunes, no dynamics, no nosebone

  13. #113
    Member Emeritus (A.M.P.) rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lopez View Post
    Then we discovered the Johnson-Smith catalogue. We bought all the whoopy cushions, joy buzzers, fake dog crap, fake vomit, Avalanche Shaving Cream, onion gum, wrist rockets, etc. we could afford.
    Seattle has a store with the same aesthetic.
    https://mcphee.com/

  14. #114
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve F. View Post
    I lived off of the Johnson-Smith catalog in 7th grade...

    Ressurection Plant!
    Sea Monkeys!
    Yes, those Sea Monkeys. As I recall, they only lived a day or two.

    I also sent away for those x-ray glasses. For some reason, they didn't seem to work.

    A friend of mine gave me some of those fake red hots filled with chili powder. I thought they had an interesting flavor, but kept eating them. What he didn't know was I can eat jalapeno peppers whole, so the joke wasted on me.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  15. #115
    There was a drugstore in my suburban New York town that sold a lot of those gag products, and I occasionally spent my 25-cent allowance on them. One day I was walking home with my best friend Eddie, having just bought some onion gum. We came across my younger sister - she must have been four - and we gave her a piece.

    Naturally my mother heard about it. She didn't punish us though. She merely explained that one day, when we least expected it, we would both get pies in the face. Nothing more was said.

    Flash forward approximately six years. We were living in Pennsylvania and Eddie came to visit. At dinner one night my mother came up behind us silently, bearing two pie plates full of whipped cream and jammed 'em into our faces. We both knew immediately what it was about and burst out laughing.

    Mom doesn't get mad - she gets revenge.
    Maka ki ecela tehani yanke lo!

  16. #116
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sturgeon's Lawyer View Post
    There was a drugstore in my suburban New York town that sold a lot of those gag products, and I occasionally spent my 25-cent allowance on them. One day I was walking home with my best friend Eddie, having just bought some onion gum. We came across my younger sister - she must have been four - and we gave her a piece.

    Naturally my mother heard about it. She didn't punish us though. She merely explained that one day, when we least expected it, we would both get pies in the face. Nothing more was said.

    Flash forward approximately six years. We were living in Pennsylvania and Eddie came to visit. At dinner one night my mother came up behind us silently, bearing two pie plates full of whipped cream and jammed 'em into our faces. We both knew immediately what it was about and burst out laughing.

    Mom doesn't get mad - she gets revenge.
    Classic!

  17. #117
    Occipital Provocatee Plasmatopia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sturgeon's Lawyer View Post
    There was a drugstore in my suburban New York town that sold a lot of those gag products, and I occasionally spent my 25-cent allowance on them. One day I was walking home with my best friend Eddie, having just bought some onion gum. We came across my younger sister - she must have been four - and we gave her a piece.

    Naturally my mother heard about it. She didn't punish us though. She merely explained that one day, when we least expected it, we would both get pies in the face. Nothing more was said.

    Flash forward approximately six years. We were living in Pennsylvania and Eddie came to visit. At dinner one night my mother came up behind us silently, bearing two pie plates full of whipped cream and jammed 'em into our faces. We both knew immediately what it was about and burst out laughing.

    Mom doesn't get mad - she gets revenge.
    Just sitting at home rocking back and forth and jealously caressing my invisible collection of theoretical assets.

  18. #118
    Don't let your meatloaf! Paulie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nosebone View Post
    When I was in high school the drinking age was 18 , but there were a few bars that served us beer at age 16!
    Yep! We had a tiny little bar in the next town over (Somers, CT) called The Rustic Cafe. We used to cut through the woods to get there, so that tells me we weren't even at driving age yet! Pitchers of beer were enjoyed many times with the added bonus of LIVE NUDE GIRLS!!!! It was absolute paradise until one day, my father walked in, took a seat across the stage, and did a full spit-take with his first sip of beer as he noticed me, my younger brother and our neighborhood friend sitting on the other side. "What are you little fuckers doing here?!" "What are YOU doing here DAD?!" We were ALL busted! Our mom didn't hear this story until we were much older. Talk about laugh!

    I've got a million stories, but like everyone here, we were pretty much feral kids. Left alone to live out our adventures. Wouldn't change it for the world.
    Last edited by Paulie; 1 Week Ago at 08:13 PM.
    "That gum you like is going to come back in style."

  19. #119
    Occipital Provocatee Plasmatopia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie View Post
    "What are you little fuckers doing here?!" "What are YOU doing here DAD!" We were ALL busted! Our mom didn't hear this story until we were much older. Talk about laugh!
    That's hilarious!
    Just sitting at home rocking back and forth and jealously caressing my invisible collection of theoretical assets.

  20. #120
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie View Post
    "What are you little fuckers doing here?!" "What are YOU doing here DAD!" We were ALL busted! Our mom didn't hear this story until we were much older. Talk about laugh!
    That's priceless!
    The combined fortunes of the world's 26 richest individuals reached $1.4 trillion last year the same amount as the total wealth of the 3.8 billion poorest people.

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  21. #121
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Keep 'em comin'!!!

  22. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie View Post
    ...one day, my father walked in, took a seat across the stage, and did a full spit-take with his first sip of beer as he noticed me, my younger brother and our neighborhood friend sitting on the other side.
    The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

  23. #123
    I'm here for the moosic NogbadTheBad's Avatar
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  24. #124
    Quote Originally Posted by Sturgeon's Lawyer View Post
    having just bought some onion gum. We came across my younger sister - she must have been four - and we gave her a piece.
    I was 4 years old playing in a garden on a hill above my house where a Catholic family of 14 lived. After six girls, the last six were boys, including my best friend, where still living there. They were playing pranks on each other all the time but that day my older brother thought he was funny and handed me a large red vegetable while saying: "Bite down on this..."

    It didn't taste like much but in three seconds I ran down the hill screaming and flew into the kitchen for water. I don't remember experiencing serious pain until then. To this day, I can't listen to The Red Hot Chili Peppers...

  25. #125
    Don't let your meatloaf! Paulie's Avatar
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    Speaking of things that should've killed us (or at least broke some bones), when I was a wee lad (5 or 6?), I was obsessed with flying. I was always concocting (not so)elaborate ways to do so. The two I remember had to do with everyday household items and a very tall arborvitae tree next to the house right near our front door (basically, my own personal ladder to the roof of our single story [thank god] ranch home). My little bro (363 days younger, to be exact) would always be in tow. My first attempt was an ingenious skydiving plot involving me, the edge of our roof, and an empty Wonder Bread bag (you know? The same bags you wore over your socks and under your winter boots so as to maximize your exposure in the elements while rocketing down the neighborhood ice alps on a metal saucer?). I mean, my GI Joe fared pretty well with that mylar parachute of his, so that Wonder bag should really do the trick! I step to the edge, extend the Wonder bar over my head, and wait for my brother's countdown. "...3, 2, 1, TAKEOFF!" My brother swore that my decent was definitely slowed to a float right before I flattened the rhododendron below.

    The second attempt was even more ingenious. We ascended the arborvitae to the roof and I had my brother Scotch Tape one half of our now useless checker board to each arm. I walked to the peak of the roof and waited for my brother's countdown. "TAKEOFF!" I ran down and dove off the edge in glorious swan-dive fashion. As I was pulling grass and turf out of my mouth, my brother swore I caught air for a second there.

    Again, I have a million of these, and as I write this, I'm truly amazed that I have never suffered one broken bone in all my 56 years. Unscathed!
    Last edited by Paulie; 1 Week Ago at 12:28 PM.
    "That gum you like is going to come back in style."

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