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Thread: Boomers Cleaning Up After Parents Thread - "But Someone Could Use That!"

  1. #151
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    Loony, how are things going with your mom?
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  2. #152
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    Well I'm there. Just moved me mum into an assisted care facility. She thinks I'm her (deceased) brother most of the time. Cannot remember my father. The sadest thing is looking at the photo albms all those people, travelled all over the world and all those memories are gone. Well at least there aren't a dozen bread makers in the bathroom or shit rotting away...

  3. #153
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    Well I'm there. Just moved me mum into an assisted care facility. She thinks I'm her (deceased) brother most of the time. Cannot remember my father. The sadest thing is looking at the photo albms all those people, travelled all over the world and all those memories are gone. Well at least there aren't a dozen bread makers in the bathroom or shit rotting away...
    Our family went thru a 10+ year dementia journey with both of our parents... I feel for you..

  4. #154
    I'm glad my dad doesn't suffer from dementia. He has some problems with his left, which will be treated the coming months, though his eyesight won't return completely.
    This week my dad fell and suffered a nosebleed. There was an ambulance standing close, so he was looked after immidiatly. The bleeding stopped quite soon. With my mom a bleeding nose mostly ment a visit to the hospital, because the bleeding wouldn't stop.

  5. #155
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    Quote Originally Posted by happytheman View Post
    Our family went thru a 10+ year dementia journey with both of our parents... I feel for you..
    Thanks and sorry to hear that - it's hard to imagine 10 years of this and the toll it would take! In my mom's case the decline has been pretty sudden the last couple of years. It is a terrible thing to see someone you love that's not there and disoriented, confused and distressed. Having gone through watching my father die of cancer I am tempted to say this is harder to handle in some respects. Still, we're very fortunate we can afford a good facility for her care, many others are not so fortunate and I was surpised to find out that medicare does not cover assisted living facilities.

  6. #156
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    I thought I would post this here rather than start a "Debbie Downer" type thread, I know not everyone is comfortable with these things and I understand that.

    Yesterday morning I received a phone call that my sister had been killed in a car accident on her way to work. I had to drive to her house where my Dad lives in the basement (he is 82 and requires a lot of care, much of which came from her as she was a nurse), and break the news to him. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He does have issues with his memory now from his frontal lobe dementia and some odd compulsions, but he is more or less still 'with it'. The things that came out of his mouth over the next few hours were absolutely heartbreaking... about how 'both his girls' had been taken from him (my Mom died in 1993), etc.

    I just posted this here because I wanted to get it out. It's been a shocking, surreal and hugely sad 24 hours. I don't know what's going to happen with my Dad now.
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  7. #157
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Progatron View Post
    I thought I would post this here rather than start a "Debbie Downer" type thread, I know not everyone is comfortable with these things and I understand that.

    Yesterday morning I received a phone call that my sister had been killed in a car accident on her way to work. I had to drive to her house where my Dad lives in the basement (he is 82 and requires a lot of care, much of which came from her as she was a nurse), and break the news to him. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He does have issues with his memory now from his frontal lobe dementia and some odd compulsions, but he is more or less still 'with it'. The things that came out of his mouth over the next few hours were absolutely heartbreaking... about how 'both his girls' had been taken from him (my Mom died in 1993), etc.

    I just posted this here because I wanted to get it out. It's been a shocking, surreal and hugely sad 24 hours. I don't know what's going to happen with my Dad now.
    Sorry to read about this. I had to tell my mother that her oldest son passed away a couple years ago. Mom had dementia but not full blown Alzheimer. She hardly ever asked about my brother. I thought that maybe she forgot she had two sons. About a week after my brother died I visited mom. Well, she asked about David (my older brother). I tried to make up some BS but I couldn't. I'm a terrible song and dance man. I broke down sobbing and told her. In her State of dementia she could not process it. A couple weeks later mom passed away. I still haven't gotten over it.

  8. #158
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    Yikes! Sorry to hear about that terrible terrible turn of events Progatron, I hope you get through it alright and your Dad gets the care he needs.

    Very sorry to hear about your travails as well Vic, hang in there, some things you never get over but sometimes keeping clear of the abyss is the trick.

    It seems none of us are alone in our misery FWIW and at least there's the music and the humor - that helps keep me cranking!

  9. #159
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    Thanks guys. None of us are immune from tragedy, loss and grief. But it's no less difficult to accept and deal with.
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  10. #160
    Outraged bystander markwoll's Avatar
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    Sorry for your losses.
    sorry for the thumbnail, this was on twitter the other day. Not in the daily strip.
    pearlsloveandlaugh.jpg
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
    -- Aristotle
    Nostalgia, you know, ain't what it used to be. Furthermore, they tells me, it never was.
    “A Man Who Does Not Read Has No Appreciable Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read” - Unknown

  11. #161
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    ^^^
    Excellent. Thanks.

  12. #162
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    I feel for you, Progatron. It'll be hard to "hang in there," but just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, it's all you can do.
    He did not know that the sword he'd hold, would turn his priceless empire into fool's gold...

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  13. #163
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    Progatron, that is one hell of a body blow. Losing a sibling is one thing but then having to tell your father...damn, that's gawdawful. My sympathies.
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  14. #164
    Geriatric Anomaly progeezer's Avatar
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    P-Tron....My heart is filled with empathy for you and I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Since 2004 I have lost 3 of the 4 women I have loved in my life, one of whom (Kay) was known personally by many here. I lost Kay in 2014 at age 69 due to complications from pneumonia due to her COPD. In 2004 I lost my previous partner Karen to cancer at age 59, and just last year, I lost my former wife of 28 years, still a very close friend of mine (and also Kay's until Kay passed), and the mother of my 5 children, to Parkinson's & dementia at age 66. My relationship with the 4th woman I loved (my 1st wife when we were both too young) who is still alive, can best be described as Michael Douglas & Kathleen Turner in "The War Of The Roses".

    I wish you all the best as you navigate all this horrible s**t.

    Based on my behavior for many years while playing music on the road in the 60s & 70s, there is no justice in my still being here pushing 75 and still relatively healthy. And yes, there is guilt that won't go away.
    "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician, and to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference"

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  15. #165
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses, guys. It helps to read them. I am very sad about the loss of my big sister, but it is compounded so heavily by the worry I now feel about my Dad. This could and might kill him. And the worst part is, he had to endure such an immense loss at this late stage of his life, instead of living out his days a little bit happier.
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  16. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by progeezer View Post

    Based on my behavior for many years while playing music on the road in the 60s & 70s, there is no justice in my still being here pushing 75 and still relatively healthy. And yes, there is guilt that won't go away.
    You're an inspiration, along with Mick and Keef.....

    Seriously, some people do everything right, and they die at 55 or 60. Then there's Keith Richards. Longevity apparently must run in his family.

  17. #167
    Member since March 2004 mozo-pg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Progatron View Post
    Thanks for the responses, guys. It helps to read them. I am very sad about the loss of my big sister, but it is compounded so heavily by the worry I now feel about my Dad. This could and might kill him. And the worst part is, he had to endure such an immense loss at this late stage of his life, instead of living out his days a little bit happier.
    Truly Sorry. I can't imagine it.

  18. #168
    P. - I am terribly sorry to hear about your sister, for what little a stranger's concern is in such times. I wish there was something I could do.
    Maka ki ecela tehani yanke lo!

  19. #169
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Hang in there, Progatron!

  20. #170
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    Progatron - I am so immensely sorry to hear that man. Please try to stay strong and reach out here if you need anything. I (obviously) did not know your sister but I will play Mahler 3 in her honor today - its a special piece for me on multiple levels. BTW, my wife is also an RN so I know how great your sister must have been. ~Frank
    If it isn't Krautrock, it's krap.

  21. #171
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    Thanks guys, much appreciated.

    My Dad is already saying how he wishes he was gone, and that there's nothing to live for. I expected this, but it of course just adds to the sadness factor.
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  22. #172
    Occipital Provocatee Plasmatopia's Avatar
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    Heartbreaking. My thoughts are with y'all.
    Just sitting at home rocking back and forth and jealously caressing my invisible collection of theoretical assets.

  23. #173
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Progatron View Post
    I thought I would post this here rather than start a "Debbie Downer" type thread, I know not everyone is comfortable with these things and I understand that.

    Yesterday morning I received a phone call that my sister had been killed in a car accident on her way to work. I had to drive to her house where my Dad lives in the basement (he is 82 and requires a lot of care, much of which came from her as she was a nurse), and break the news to him. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He does have issues with his memory now from his frontal lobe dementia and some odd compulsions, but he is more or less still 'with it'. The things that came out of his mouth over the next few hours were absolutely heartbreaking... about how 'both his girls' had been taken from him (my Mom died in 1993), etc.

    I just posted this here because I wanted to get it out. It's been a shocking, surreal and hugely sad 24 hours. I don't know what's going to happen with my Dad now.
    Damn. I am so, so sorry, buddy.

    Life is so cruel, sometimes. All the more reason to cherish your loved ones, never take anything for granted, and to live your best life to the fullest.
    Music isn't about chops, or even about talent - it's about sound and the way that sound communicates to people. Mike Keneally

  24. #174
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    Well I'm there. Just moved me mum into an assisted care facility. She thinks I'm her (deceased) brother most of the time. Cannot remember my father. The sadest thing is looking at the photo albms all those people, travelled all over the world and all those memories are gone. Well at least there aren't a dozen bread makers in the bathroom or shit rotting away...
    I moved my mother in with us five years ago,she has dementia and I pretty much watch her full time. Today she said she was living in the 18th century,whatever that means. She kept trying to take off her clothes to put on English clothes, whatever they are. After about an hour of that I got her in bed and raised the sides, which doesn't always keep her in. Then she laid in bed for the next half hour calling for the maid, whoever she is. I finally let her out and we went into the back room where I turned on the TV while I picked crab meat for crab cakes. From that point on her mind went back to normal. Tomorrow is another day.
    NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS!

  25. #175
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    I moved my mother in with us five years ago,she has dementia and I pretty much watch her full time. Today she said she was living in the 18th century,whatever that means. She kept trying to take off her clothes to put on English clothes, whatever they are. After about an hour of that I got her in bed and raised the sides, which doesn't always keep her in. Then she laid in bed for the next half hour calling for the maid, whoever she is. I finally let her out and we went into the back room where I turned on the TV while I picked crab meat for crab cakes. From that point on her mind went back to normal. Tomorrow is another day.
    Reading stuff like this reminds me of how lucky I am. My mom just turned 89, lives on her own two house up from me, still drives, doesn't need a cane, wheelchair or walker. My brothers and I wanted her to move into a retirement community but she keeps putting us off. I don't know how you do it, but good on you. I guess when the situation is thrust upon you, you do what you have to do...
    Brian Dennehy: "I'm now 80 and I'm just another actor and that's fine with me. I've had a hell of a ride," ... "I have a nice house. I haven't got a palace, a mansion, but a pretty nice, comfortable home. I've raised a bunch of kids and sent them all to school, and they're all doing well. All the people that are close to me are reasonably healthy and happy. Listen, that's as much as anybody can hope for in life."

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