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Thread: Boomers Cleaning Up After Parents Thread - "But Someone Could Use That!"

  1. #76
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BobM View Post
    Deepest sympathy. Don't feel guilty about being relieved. It's been a difficult time for you. It is only natural.
    Couldn't have said it better. Very sorry for your loss.
    Music isn't about chops, or even about talent - it's about sound and the way that sound communicates to people. Mike Keneally

  2. #77
    Outraged bystander markwoll's Avatar
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    SS Sorry for your loss.
    I had ( and still have ) a similar reaction to my fathers death last March.
    He had been in a bad way and death was a positive thing. Thankfully, my family feels the same.
    Seek peace
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
    -- Aristotle
    Nostalgia, you know, ain't what it used to be. Furthermore, they tells me, it never was.
    “A Man Who Does Not Read Has No Appreciable Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read” - Unknown

  3. #78
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    ^^ I had a similar sort of feeling when my Mum died. I cried of course, but I had probably cried more when I had first visited her in hospital on the occasion of her last health crisis. I had barely recognised her, She had continued to look fairly well preserved up until her early 80's, so it was a real shock to see her looking her age - more than her age in fact.

    She had said in conversation a number of times that "it would be better if I just slipped away". I didn't want to hear that, but the fact is that it was true.

    There is a thing that's called in Australia an "Advanced Health Directive", sometimes referred to colloquially as a "living will". Basically it states in writing what steps you want to have taken, or don't want taken, in the event of serious illness from which you are unlikely to recover, if you become unable to properly communicate your wishes. Filling one out forces you to confront some uncomfortable realities, but I have filled mine out and lodged it and it has given me a certain peace of mind for myself.

  4. #79
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear, SS! Hang in there!

  5. #80
    This was a weird moment....I called AT&T yesterday to cancel my Dad's phone. I had to look up his number on my cell phone, then, realizing that it was time to delete his number from my contact list, I got kind-of emotional at that moment....like I said, weird....realizing the finality of his passing.

  6. #81
    Will probably bring my mother home from rehab Thursday. Took her to the hospital three days before Christmas with pneumonia where they told me she probably won't make it out. My grandson and I went to see her this evening and she was in the cafeteria eating dinner with no oxygen. Lost my father in 88 after open heart surgery. Never really had time to do things with him like I always envisioned. He took the death of my son hard back in 87. Granddaughters are nice but a grandson to a grandfather is something special.
    NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS!

  7. #82
    Highly Evolved Orangutan JKL2000's Avatar
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    I didn't know about your son, Ed. That's very rough, I'm sure. Glad your mother is doing better.

  8. #83
    Quote Originally Posted by JKL2000 View Post
    I didn't know about your son, Ed. That's very rough, I'm sure. Glad your mother is doing better.
    It's all part of life Jed. Brought my mother home this afternoon. She looks real good but still doesn't listen.
    NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF STUPID PEOPLE IN LARGE GROUPS!

  9. #84
    Member moecurlythanu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    It's all part of life Jed. Brought my mother home this afternoon. She looks real good but still doesn't listen.
    Second Jed's thoughts about your son. No one should ever have to walk that road. Hang in there with your Mom, Ed. My parents are in their 80s, and I spend several hours with them every week. I don't want to be one of those people who say "I wish I had spent more time with my parents" after they are gone. No one knows how much time they have left.

  10. #85
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    Hang in there guys. I'm dealing with a sick mom who's dying a slow death. There's only so much I can do by myself. Sorry about your son Ed. I can't imagine what that must be like.

  11. #86
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    My 90-year-old aunt is now moving into an assisted living complex. She's a retired professor who never married so it falls to the nephews and nieces to help out. Yesterday my wife and I, my cousin and his wife, went to work. Her big furniture was moved by a couple pros so we were left with the rest of the dross. My aunt has always been a neat person and we had hoped there would be less accumulation than our parents. Nope. My wife was working the kitchen and found the obligatory stack of Cool Whip containers, Tupperware long past any semblance of usefulness, and cookware that should have been replaced a couple decades ago. Plenty of valuable antiques (my aunt taught in Germany in the early 1960s) but holy crap, way too much junk that we just wanted to chuck in the dumpster behind my aunt's back. And all of this is after two of my other cousins did a couple of junk-ditching runs through my aunt's place.
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  12. #87
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Yeah, Jerjo, it's difficult sifting through a loved one's belongings. Somehow those items meant something to that person.

    Curious: what will be done with the items that are salvageable?

  13. #88
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gruno View Post
    Yeah, Jerjo, it's difficult sifting through a loved one's belongings. Somehow those items meant something to that person.

    Curious: what will be done with the items that are salvageable?
    She's doling out stuff that won't fit into the new place. If family doesn't want it, it goes to charity. I did score a pre-WWI set of etched pilsner glasses with a tall thin pitcher. My wife is getting several framed drawings and brought home a giant poster of 1955 Berlin.
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  14. #89
    ALL ACCESS Gruno's Avatar
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    Wow, that's great that some of the items will be passed on to relatives such as you and your wife. Nice!

  15. #90
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jerjo View Post
    My 90-year-old aunt is now moving into an assisted living complex. She's a retired professor who never married so it falls to the nephews and nieces to help out. Yesterday my wife and I, my cousin and his wife, went to work. Her big furniture was moved by a couple pros so we were left with the rest of the dross. My aunt has always been a neat person and we had hoped there would be less accumulation than our parents. Nope. My wife was working the kitchen and found the obligatory stack of Cool Whip containers, Tupperware long past any semblance of usefulness, and cookware that should have been replaced a couple decades ago. Plenty of valuable antiques (my aunt taught in Germany in the early 1960s) but holy crap, way too much junk that we just wanted to chuck in the dumpster behind my aunt's back. And all of this is after two of my other cousins did a couple of junk-ditching runs through my aunt's place.
    Sounds like a job for American Pickers.

  16. #91
    Outraged bystander markwoll's Avatar
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    My sister and I delivered my Mom to an assisted living facility today.
    Tough stuff for all. Mom is out of the house she has lived in for 30 years.
    Me and Sis have been working on this halfheartedly for a while after we were sure she was slipping.
    A recent hospitalization and rehab from a bad fall ( no broken bones, "just" a concussion and lacerations ) made the wheels turn faster.
    Even though we had discussed this with her, it was a real surprise when we pulled up to the ALF.
    Anger and pouting. Sort of cooled down after she met some of the others and saw the place. It really is pretty nice.
    Tomorrow will be another day, we will have to explain it all again.
    At least she is not 1000 miles away.
    One day at a time.
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
    -- Aristotle
    Nostalgia, you know, ain't what it used to be. Furthermore, they tells me, it never was.
    “A Man Who Does Not Read Has No Appreciable Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read” - Unknown

  17. #92
    Member nosebone's Avatar
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    It's been awhile since I posted in this thread , but my mom passed away peacefully in her sleep in May of 2016.

    Dad passed in 09 and the Florida condo is sold.

    Done, finito...., very weird feeling not having your parents.

    On a positive note, the last ten years have created a stronger bond with my sister.
    no tunes, no dynamics, no nosebone

  18. #93
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    Quote Originally Posted by markwoll View Post
    My sister and I delivered my Mom to an assisted living facility today.
    Tough stuff for all. Mom is out of the house she has lived in for 30 years.
    Me and Sis have been working on this halfheartedly for a while after we were sure she was slipping.
    A recent hospitalization and rehab from a bad fall ( no broken bones, "just" a concussion and lacerations ) made the wheels turn faster.
    Even though we had discussed this with her, it was a real surprise when we pulled up to the ALF.
    Anger and pouting. Sort of cooled down after she met some of the others and saw the place. It really is pretty nice.
    Tomorrow will be another day, we will have to explain it all again.
    At least she is not 1000 miles away.
    One day at a time.
    We have been dealing with some stuff with my wife’s mother the last few weeks. She was already in an assisted living situation, but a couple of weeks ago suffered what appeared to be a stroke (they are still not sure). She was moved to a hospice facility and then started dramatically improving, although she still needs 24 hour care, and is very weak. The family is now trying to see if she can move back into the facility she was living in before, but at a higher level of care (which would require her to move to a different apartment, but still have her own place). She would not be capable of living in the assisted living level that she was before. Not sure how this is all going to end up at this point.

  19. #94
    Outraged bystander markwoll's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSly View Post
    We have been dealing with some stuff with my wife’s mother the last few weeks. She was already in an assisted living situation, but a couple of weeks ago suffered what appeared to be a stroke (they are still not sure). She was moved to a hospice facility and then started dramatically improving, although she still needs 24 hour care, and is very weak. The family is now trying to see if she can move back into the facility she was living in before, but at a higher level of care (which would require her to move to a different apartment, but still have her own place). She would not be capable of living in the assisted living level that she was before. Not sure how this is all going to end up at this point.
    Humans are pretty resilient. The whole care level thing has some voodoo metrics, and if they are accurate I hope the added cost pays off.
    We have had a number of relations enter the ALF system. Some have thrived and some have died rather quickly.
    I hope for the best and do what we can to make it as good a situation as possible.
    "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
    -- Aristotle
    Nostalgia, you know, ain't what it used to be. Furthermore, they tells me, it never was.
    “A Man Who Does Not Read Has No Appreciable Advantage Over the Man Who Cannot Read” - Unknown

  20. #95
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nosebone View Post
    very weird feeling not having your parents.
    I lost both my parents within 9 months of each other. My sister six months before that. My ex-wife a year earlier. Three dogs in those two years too. "Weird" and sad and diminished and lonely.

    Speaking of Depression-era hoarders, I threw away a Folger's coffee can full of bent nails when I cleaned out my dad's workshop.

  21. #96
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    I lost 3 of my closest family members within a span of 8-9 months (aunt, brother, mother. In that order). All I have left is my daughter.

  22. #97
    Geriatric Anomaly progeezer's Avatar
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    I lost my dad when I was 12 and my mom when I was 23 & was an only child. I envy those whose parents have/had been around much longer. I'm certain that if my dad were alive through my teen years I would have f****d off a lot less and not underachieved quite so much.
    "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician, and to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference"

    President Harry S. Truman

  23. #98
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    It can be a mixed blessing. I had a stormy relationship with my folks -- they didn't agree with my first marriage, so I cut off all contact with them for 5 years -- and in her later years my mom became something of a tedious nag. Nevertheless we reconciled, and and 88 and 90 they had good long lives. I miss 'em both.

  24. #99
    RE: What I was talking about many moons ago.

    Mom almost burned down the house tonight and this is not the first time it happened.

    There's a reason I haven't posted much recently and it's because I'm fucked up. There's nothing I can do and not only that but I'm going to, most likely, become homeless very soon as the state should, very rightly, take her away to some "facility".

    I don't have any idea how this will shake out. I have had some good advice but I'm rather flummoxed.

    I know it's not completely right to throw my sister under the bus but there's a reason I stopped talking to her and her hubby as they weren't listening years ago. This was happening before I moved back here from Arizona, where I was so happy, and no one listened.

    Goddammit.
    Carry On My Blood-Ejaculating Son - JKL2000

    HODOR!

  25. #100
    Geriatric Anomaly progeezer's Avatar
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    Truly hope that you find the light at the end of the tunnel, Loony.

    I've already been primarily responsible for sorting through all the possessions of 3 different people on 3 separate occasions. My mom when I was 23 (only child & dad already gone), my partner Karen in 2004, and 10 years later, my partner Kay (who many here knew). Trying to make the "do I keep it, sell it, throw it out, give it to Goodwill or to another person" decisions while grieving isn't easy.

    Now I'm watching my former wife of 28 years going downhill quickly from dementia and Parkinson's in a memory care assisted-living facility at only 65. When the time comes (soon I fear), I'll help our kids if they ask, but I readily admit that I'm glad I don't have to do that again alone. I'm not sure I could.

    These 3 women (4 soon) dying while I'm still standing is textbook proof that "only the good die young".
    Last edited by progeezer; 02-03-2018 at 10:11 AM.
    "My choice early in life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician, and to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference"

    President Harry S. Truman

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