Boomers Cleaning Up After Parents Thread - "But Someone Could Use That!"

[Jerjo]

Just think - there were no "public storage facilities" in the 1950s and 1960s.

Look how materialistic we've become.

True but hoarders have been with us for a very long time

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collyer_brothers

Back to the matter at hand, I just went out to the garage and looked in our SUV. What a mess. My wife is only bringing in a few things at a time so she doesn't get overwhelmed. I'd like to have a bonfire.

[soundsweird]

Every room in my folks' house had stuff stacked up to the point where you had to walk carefully down narrow "canyons" in between the stacks to get around. Garage and back patio, too. Since my brother was living there after my folks died, I just signed the house over to him. Problem solved.

[gailany222]

I aree with Scott Bails comment about that!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bob_32_116]

Stuff expands to fill the space available. I live in a good sized inner city flat, but I don't have a "man-shed", so everything I acquire and keep has to be justified by finding somewhere inside that I can store it. People with with large suburban homes, big backyards and a garden shed can simply keep stuff. They may never use it, but so what? It's not doing any harm, and not taking up much valuable space, one day they might toss it out but there's no hurry.

My mother, who lived by herself some years in the family home, was actually better than most in that regard. I think she was aware of the onset of dementia and knew that her time in the house was limited. My relatives actually complained that she was throwing out this, giving away that.... I don't think they were being selfish, there was just a vague feeling that it should be "kept in the family". When the time came for me to move her into care, dispose of the household contents and sell the house, there were quite a few items that I remembered and thought "I wonder what happened to that?", but it was one less thing to worry about disposing of. Also I could not believe my luck; the local church had an upcoming jumble sale, and they took nearly all the stuff that the auctioneer didn't want.

A final incident to relate: my aunt and uncle were present when I was wheeling out the final load of household rubbish to place in the council skip out front of the house. "Do you want the wheelbarrow?", I asked my uncle. "Ooh no, I wouldn't take that, hang on to that, it's a good barrow." Now this was all taking place in Melbourne, and I was due to go back to Sydney, so I don't know if he thought I was going to take the wheelbarrow as checked luggage. I tossed it in the skip along with the rest of the rubbish. Whereupon his eyes widened in horror. "You can't throw that out!" "Then you better take it", I said, "because I can't". He took it.

[TheLoony]

Oh, wow! This sounds awful, too!

Have you tried calling the local Animal Control? The "crazy cat-woman" thing isn't that uncommon - I'd think that they'd have some resources for you.

Mom already "hates" me. It took me a while, a long while, to figure it out but she's done a wonder on me over the years - backhanded compliments, out right belittling, so it's no wonder I have never really had a real relationship. So if I do that I might as well totally alienate myself and throw the whole nine yards of ammo at her and call in the guys in white suits.

That's a huge thing to do and Sis may not agree. I don't think Sis would hate me, as she knows what's up but is in denial, BUT.......

I feel like I'm talking to Dear Abby and should sign it something like "Confused in Las Vegas" with a weak LOL after it.

I wonder if there's a support group for victims of hoarders. I know other people have had to deal with this as there's a show all about it. That might be a step in the right direction as far as getting some mental stability but it won't solve the problem.

What kills me is ten years ago I made a decision to try and "do the right thing". I did it, it didn't help(not through any fault of mine, at least this time) and it has totally screwed my life since then. If is a really large word for only two letters, I tell ya. If I hadn't done that, the chances of me being here are almost zero and I might have rebuilt my life after years of drinking and wasting it away.

Anyway, what happened has happened, I can't change it but I'm still trying to move forward. I just don't have high hopes anymore.

But hey, enough of my yakking. Whattya say, let's boogie! I haven't lost my sense of humor(or what passes for it) so I'm not completely gone, yet.

[TheLoony]

My sympathies. Sounds like you don't need help from family, but an attorney. Your mom needs a competency hearing or whatever Nevada has in place for such things. That entire house could be exhibit #1. Is there a free legal aid clinic there?

My last post deals with some of this but I'll say I truly don't know how to proceed, if at all. There's a spot in her bedroom right next to her bed, in plain view, of cat piss that hasn't been cleaned in a month or two. I rarely have cleaned her room and it will do little to clean it up as the cats(whichever one it is) will just pee again in a few days in the same damn spot, yet she won't do anything about it. I know she has to see it, there is no way one cannot see it. That particular spot I've left as I wanted to see if she would do anything about it. Nada.

She's exactly like the people on the Hoarders show. There's is a disconnect or whatever in her brain that won't allow her to see the mess. She'll make all kinds of excuses for the cats and dogs(both dogs should be put to sleep and she won't do it) and this is the life she wants but it's not healthy, physically or mentally, for either of us.

Gods only know what the outcome of me turning in my Mom would be. Then there's money, or the lack of it, that causes a million more problems with the situation. I had nearly enough pot on me to get a gnat high - and they tried to get me on four felony counts so I took the D.U.I. which is making getting any job increasingly difficult. You would be surprised how many jobs, even non-driving jobs, won't hire a person with a D.U.I. I had to quit my last delivery job as I was, no shit, actually losing money driving around and making nothing. With no money to my name and none in Mom's coffers, who would pay for a nursing home or whatever it would come down to?

So I put on my bravest face and keep on keeping on. This thread has been a nice way to vent and maybe kick my ass into gear and really do something but I'm still wondering what that something should be. I just looked and found a couple of sites that might have some help so that's a start. Should have done that a long time ago but sometimes it just takes a kick in the ass to get me to actually think.

[happytheman]

Recently went through this with my Dad.. same story.. 30 years of hording in his last house.. like others we waited until he was moved into assisted living before we set about the task of truck load after truck load.. Fortunately there was a dumpster withing a mile of his house so the trips were short.. but there were many.. The "usable" stuff all went to a local SPCA thrift store.. Put the house on the market recently.. my daughters first comments on seeing the house for the first time since her Grandad moved out... "geez I didn't know this house was so big"..

[Rune Blackwings]

My Mom has Christmas wrapping paper still in the plastic from a store called Zodys that closed sometime in the early '80's, I believe. Maybe even the '70's.

When I moved back I had to clean up this house and only got about half of what I wanted done as Mom can't part with anything. She had a tape splicer from the '70's still in the original packaging. I had never seen it before.

Living with a hoarder and her mental problems is killing me. She's off her rocker and no one will listen to me or do anything about it. She was eating crackers that were dropped on the floor - a floor that is so disgusting from being pissed on by cats and so completely covered with dog and cat hairs - and no one thinks she needs help. I'm tempted to contact the Hoarders show, not that I need or want to be on the show but maybe they can point me in the right direction as to how I can get her some help or committed or whatever the hell needs to be done.

Letting the animals have free run of the house is ridiculous and thoroughly disgusting. Cats peeing on kitchen counters, on computers(they ruined one of mine before I learned to close my door at all times), in front of the cat box(too many cats for one or two boxes so I took them all out) and anywhere they decide they want to. It's so bad and my family won't listen to me, they pretty much just blow it off when I speak, yet this house is clearly disgusting to the N'th degree. I HATE it here(not just Las Vegas, this problem is so much more than that) and I never, EVER wanted to come back here but that's what life dealt me. When I'm out, anywhere, I don't want to come home as there's filth everywhere and a crazy woman who has no sense or logic. Or sanity.

I came home a couple years ago and the house was about five minutes from being a inferno. A book, one of thousands that line the walls of every room and cannot, under any circumstances whatsoever, be gotten rid of, fell onto a halogen light and was smoldering. If that had caught, and it was only minutes, maybe seconds, from becoming actual fire this whole house would have been gone in minutes. The books would have caught fire and boom, done. My immediate response, once I opened the front door, was "FIRE!!!!" and she had no idea. House filled with smoke and she didn't know.

I'm at my wits end. This town, this house, this crazy insane bitch of a woman, it's all killing me and every thing I do to try and get out fails.

What is it with hoarders and cats? 75% of the Hoarders on the show have about a gazillion cats running all over the damn place. Occasionally, there's dogs, but you never see a hoarder with chickens or rabbits-it's always cats.

My grandparents had a ton of strays dumped by their house, but they were all outdoor feral cats that they fed. Only one or two were ever friendly enough to be kept as pets. My grandfather was a closet hoarder. If you walked in, it looked like everything was in place, but one room was shoulder high with stuff. He was also a depression baby (as was his older sister who was almost the complete opposite of a hoarder-she would actually pick lint from the carpet). He never finished school, but he read everything. You always hear about people who are poor and don't have books, but there were always books all over his living room. His big thing was if he could not find something, he would go buy a new one-fishing poles, pliers, hammers, screwdrivers, etc.

[moecurlythanu]

you never see a hoarder with chickens or rabbits-it's always cats.

That's because the cats ate the chickens and rabbits.

[bigbassdrum]

Future Daughter: "Hey LeBron, what about these record-things and CD's? I mean, 'Brain Salad Surgery"? "Close To The Edge"? Something called "Zappa"? WTF were they smoking?"
Future Son: "Beats me, Beyoncé. Toss 'em all into the dumpster!"

[bob_32_116]

Future Daughter: "Hey LeBron, what about these record-things and CD's? I mean, 'Brain Salad Surgery"? "Close To The Edge"? Something called "Zappa"? WTF were they smoking?"
Future Son: "Beats me, Beyoncé. Toss 'em all into the dumpster!"

Heh. Ah, the youngsters of tomorrow, they just don't understand.

[Jerjo]

I'm sure that my CDs will end up in a landfill, provided I live another thirty years. I just have to make sure I digitize everything so it can at least keep current with technology. But how do I digitize my DVDs?

[Yves]

My dad died with hardly a pot to piss in. My brother was executor of the will and sole beneficiary since my sister and I were estranged from our dad for over 20 years...

My mom lives in the upstairs apartment of the duplex I own and live in. She has been systematically getting rid of things so there's very little clutter in her apartment and in her storage space in the basement. So I will not need to go through what you went through. I figure my mom's probably got another decade left in her. By then, she'll have jettisoned all unnecessary possessions...

[Supersonic Scientist]

These stories are sad and I feel for everyone's troubles as I know my troubles are but a few short years away too.

here is a positive/music-related story regarding hoarders.

Back in 1991 (Long Branch, NJ) I bought my first house from a family who were placing their very-senior parents in a nursing home. The siblings ALL lived out of state and just wanted to get rid of the house. On the day of the closing, Me and the Realtor do the pre-closing walk-thru. EVERYTHING was still there!!!!
We arrive at the closing and only the Seller's Attorney is present. He says that the Seller's are not going to remove the stuff from the house.
...Long-story-short.....Before moving in, I held a garage sale of all of the house contents and with THAT money, I bought myself a 1979 White Gibson 6/12 double neck !!!!....and I STILL had money left over !

[BobM]

My dad handled it in typical "manly" fashion when my mom died. He lived at home for about 6 months and came over to our place to eat 2-3 times a week and take home a plate for another dinner. After 6 months he said, "I can't do this anymore. I need to move into an assisted living place. You guys are going to inherit the house, so you clean it out. It's all yours."

Took us a year to do this, then another year to sell it and close.

Shelves of old glass bottles. Shoeboxes full of miscellaneous crap. Tons of stuff than hasn't seen a hand print for decades. Much of it covered in dust and mold. I kept some things that were important to me but tossed much of the rest after holding an "open house garage sale" and making some cash on things (you wouldn't believe what people are willing to buy ... old stained mattresses for $10 went first. Gheesh.)

Never an easy chore even if you have free reign and no interferance from an elderly parent.

[Scott Bails]

...Long-story-short.....Before moving in, I held a garage sale of all of the house contents and with THAT money, I bought myself a 1979 White Gibson 6/12 double neck !!!!....and I STILL had money left over !

Now that's a happy ending!

[Dave the Brave]

And I thought I had problems.
Reading this thread has certainly changed my perspective.

DtB

[TheLoony]

And I thought I had problems.
Reading this thread has certainly changed my perspective.

DtB

In retrospect, it's first world whining, at least on my part. Yeah, it's painful and stressful, but I have a roof, a bed, heat in the winter and it's somewhat cooler in the house during the summer than outside(swamp cooler doesn't do the greatest in this area), food(most times), running water and other things that people in other areas of the world and even in this country do not have.

Many times it's hard to realize that kind of stuff, especially for a narcissistic ass such as myself. I get so wrapped up in my own problems it's hard to do.

[nosebone]

My sister's bringing back my Mom (86) from Florida tomorrow.

There's a bed waiting for her at a local nursing home.

She fell apart after my dad died in 09.

At some point after the holidays we have to go back down and rummage through her condo.

We'll see what we find....,

[Jerjo]

Apparently cleaning up after some parents can be a technological nightmare as well.

https://medium.com/message/deathhacks-b767903b7c15

[Garden Dreamer]

Oh man, I better not get started on this topic! My mom died 3 years ago and had to go through the same thing Jerjo and others are describing. For years prior, I tried to get her to throw things out but it was always, "no, that's a good xxx (fill in name of broken, useless item)..."

The worst part is that when my parents were alive and active, they would go to their many relatives' and friends' houses and happily load up the van with all of the household junk that these people were getting rid of to make their lives less cluttered! So they would bring carloads of old furniture, books, clothes and endless knick-knacks back to their house and fill up the basement and garage with this junk! My mother wasn't dumb - she read newspapers and magazines and would read many books on flower arranging. But I never saw her read any of the musty books she brought back in these hauls - mysteries, novels, biographies, etc. I tried to get her to throw out these moldy boxes of books she would never read, but all I got was an angry NOOOO! I just gave up and looked with trepidation toward the day she would eventually die and I'd have to fill up a dumpster with the contents of her house.

[Jerjo]

There's a family whose farm is just a couple miles from my family's farmstead. I've known these folks all my life, went to school with their kids, etc. I just exchanged a few emails last weekend with the daughter of the family. She's one year older than me. Her mom had to have a series of knee surgeries and dad can't take care of himself, so she's been back on the farm for a few weeks. This house has always been as neat as a pin, could never be described as a hoarder house. Nonetheless, the daughter has found all the hiding places, all the closets and cabinets stuffed to the rafters with junk no one other than someone in their eighties would consider keeping. She told me in an email she's gone through about a dumpster and a half so far with no end in sight.

[Garyhead]

I've been laughing at these posts for some time until this month when it happened to ME!
Ma now in a retirement community and my older brother & Sis-in-law are going through the mess! Little brother refuses to help (funny.....since we're finding all the canceled checks Ma has been cutting him for DECADES)
Yup....old 60+ year old sticky vinyl kitchen chairs that CANT be tossed.....Ice cube trays from the old 60's Kenmore Fridge......all this is still Good!

Going tomorrow w/o her in the house to take crap to the dump. Told my brother he's gonna OWE me big time as I will probably be on the Fecal-Roster with Ma till the end of Days.

[BobM]

We are actually beginning to go through our own home, slowly, in preparation for a move out of state sometime in the next year. It really is amazing how much stuff falls into the "I kept it because I thought I might need it" bucket, but never used it.

I think you really need to say to yourself "if I was charged $2 a month to store this piece of crap would it be worth it to hold onto for a year (or five), or throw it out right at the beginning".

[moecurlythanu]

My parents are around 80, and they are scaling down their own stuff, so that we don't have to do it when they're gone.