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Thread: Top 10 reasons not to listen to jazz

  1. #1
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    Top 10 reasons not to listen to jazz

    1. I already listen to rock
    2. I already listen to classical
    3. I already listen to folk
    4. They are playing that music for themselves not for us
    5. On stage they are talking amongst themselves not to us
    6. Sometimes they aren't even playing music when they are playing music, just making noises
    7. I can't dance or headbang to it, I can't get drunk to it, I can't sleep to it & I certainly can't [animals on the Discovery Channel] to it
    8. In restaurants, bars, clubs, elevators & shopping malls it is always intrusive, like a wasp round soda on a hot summer's day
    9. Again, life is too short, but this time life is too short to put that much effort into trying to understand the sounds being made
    10. Because HEAVY METAL rools!

  2. #2
    Because 'Johnny Hates Jazz' & so do I
    The musicians sound like their just competeing to keep up with each other
    No structure & no melody
    Restrictive musicians who can't play anything else but Jazz
    You can't dance or even tap your feet to it
    Jazz drummers are all top hat, snare & cymbals
    Endless meaningless noodling
    It'll send you to sleep
    It'll save you money cos' you won't buy anything Jazz
    You won't waste your time having to listen to it

  3. #3
    Progga mogrooves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    Because HEAVY METAL rools!
    Precisely why I do listen to jazz!
    Hell, they ain't even old-timey ! - Homer Stokes

  4. #4
    Parrots Ripped My Flesh Dave (in MA)'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    8. In restaurants, bars, clubs, elevators & shopping malls it is always intrusive, like a wasp round soda on a hot summer's day
    That's not jazz; it's hip-hop and autotuned shrieking diva (and its ostensibly male counterpart) music.

  5. #5
    Member Steve F.'s Avatar
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    Words of wisdom from a font of knowledge

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    Steve F.

    www.waysidemusic.com
    www.cuneiformrecords.com

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    “Remember, if it doesn't say "Cuneiform," it's not prog!” - THE Jed Levin

    Any time any one speaks to me about any musical project, the one absolute given is "it will not make big money". [tip of the hat to HK]

    "Death to false 'support the scene' prog!"

    please add 'imo' wherever you like, to avoid offending those easily offended.

  6. #6
    Oh No! Bass Solo! klothos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave (in MA) View Post
    That's not jazz; it's hip-hop and autotuned shrieking diva (and its ostensibly male counterpart) music.
    typical

    Song: dat Booty
    Artist: Diva J (featuring This Months Flava Nobody Rapper Dood)
    Lyrics and Music by: one Laptop with Frooty Loops but credited to 9 different people
    Produced by: one Laptop with Frooty Loops but credited to four people

    Lyrics:

    Booty, Booty, Booty, Gimme dat Booty
    Booty, Booty, Booty, Gimme dat Booty
    Booty, Booty, Booty, Gimme dat Booty
    Booty, Booty, Booty, Gimme dat Booty

    Girl you got dat booty, dat booty
    gimme gimme dat booty, dat booty
    dat dat dat booty
    girl gimme dat booty
    and then we have a party in my truck when I drop the tailgate....the tailgate


    .....whoops, that last line^ was from a typical modern country song <facepalm>

  7. #7
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    Top 10 reasons not to listen to jazz
    1. Thinking is hard. Don't want music that makes me think!
    2. My Black Sabbath leather jacket doesn't make people give me the devil horns salute at jazz concerts
    3. Don't want to listen to music that "musicians play for themselves." Musicians should not enjoy music or feel challenged by it!
    4. With jazz, you get surprises. Don't like surprises!
    5. I don't understand it, therefore it is stupid
    6. I already listen to rock, classical and folk. There are no elements of jazz in rock, classical or folk!
    7. In jazz -- unlike, say, heavy metal -- sometimes the musicians are "just making noises"
    8. Headbanging is the ultimate determiner of whether music is "good" or "bad"
    9. The girls at heavy metal concerts are HOT
    10. In jazz skill is more important than volume -- exactly the opposite of what it should be!

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    1. Thinking is hard. Don't want music that makes me think!
    2. My Black Sabbath leather jacket doesn't make people give me the devil horns salute at jazz concerts
    3. Don't want to listen to music that "musicians play for themselves." Musicians should not enjoy music or feel challenged by it!
    4. With jazz, you get surprises. Don't like surprises!
    5. I don't understand it, therefore it is stupid
    6. I already listen to rock, classical and folk. There are no elements of jazz in rock, classical or folk!
    7. In jazz -- unlike, say, heavy metal -- sometimes the musicians are "just making noises"
    8. Headbanging is the ultimate determiner of whether music is "good" or "bad"
    9. The girls at heavy metal concerts are HOT
    10. In jazz skill is more important than volume -- exactly the opposite of what it should be!
    I was about to do something like this. Thanks for saving me the trouble.

  9. #9
    Member wideopenears's Avatar
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    This thread deserves an award for Stupidest Shit Ever Said on Prog Ears.

  10. #10
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    at Mogrooves post.

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  12. #12
    facetious maximus Yves's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wideopenears View Post
    This thread deserves an award for Stupidest Shit Ever Said on Prog Ears.
    The collected works of his "Top 10 Reasons...." lists combined deserve their own wing in the Prog Ears Stupidest Shit Ever Museum... Somebody please stop him! Whatever happened to their being a weekly posting limit?
    "Corn Flakes pissed in. You ranted. Mission accomplished. Thread closed."

    -Cozy 3:16-

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  14. #14
    Parrots Ripped My Flesh Dave (in MA)'s Avatar
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    Well...

    at least they don't have stupid album names.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by wideopenears View Post
    This thread deserves an award for Stupidest Shit Ever Said on Prog Ears.
    Well said and I'm a FNG (flooping new guy)

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by Rufus View Post
    Because 'Johnny Hates Jazz' & so do I
    The musicians sound like their just competeing to keep up with each other
    No structure & no melody
    Restrictive musicians who can't play anything else but Jazz
    You can't dance or even tap your feet to it
    Jazz drummers are all top hat, snare & cymbals
    Endless meaningless noodling
    It'll send you to sleep
    It'll save you money cos' you won't buy anything Jazz
    You won't waste your time having to listen to it
    Please contribute even more to this site. Please. Please become more proficient. Music and arts couldn't get more progressive than what you render it. Just remember for once in your life to pick up and check a fucking dictionary first.
    "Improvisation is not an excuse for musical laziness" - Fred Frith
    "[...] things that we never dreamed of doing in Crimson or in any band that I've been in," - Tony Levin speaking of SGM

  17. #17
    Moderator Poisoned Youth's Avatar
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    Enough please.
    WANTED: Sig-worthy quote.

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