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Thread: Prog rock humor

  1. #1
    Member davis's Avatar
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    Prog rock humor

    Dave Brock's son could be considered a chip off the old Brock...




    Proceed

  2. #2
    Knock Knock? Who's There?

    Knock Knock? Who's There?

    Knock Knock? Who's There?

    Knock Knock? Who's There?

    Knock Knock? Who's There?



    Philip Glass.

  3. #3
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    A prog musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    He then writes and records a 23-minute symphonic prog epic about the experience.

  4. #4
    Member Digital_Man's Avatar
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    Why is YES a woman's favorite prog band while having sex?

    Because you'll never hear her scream out "Genesis, Genesis, Genesis!"
    Last edited by Digital_Man; 06-14-2014 at 03:38 AM.

  5. #5
    "That was an unacompanied Bass Pedal Solo from Michael Rutherford"

  6. #6
    not mine...heard it at nearfest...

    why does john wetton cry after sex?













    pepper spray...


    // Mattias

  7. #7
    I was going into a pub, and who should be standing outside but Robert Fripp*. "Are you coming in, Robert?", says I. "No thanks", he says, "I'm waiting for Happy Hour to finish."

    *or Tony Banks, I'm not sure.

  8. #8
    chalkpie
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    What do you call the meatball on the side of Steve Howe's head?

    Appetizer.

  9. #9
    Rick Wakeman on why he didn't like performing drunk: "Everything ends up sounding like Tales From Topographic Oceans".

    Rick on Drama: "That was one of the albums I wasn't invited to play on".

    Rick on Owner Of A Lonely Heart: "Didn't play on it, would have loved to have played on it. My bank manager wishes I had played on it, as well.

    Keith Emerson, recounting his first meeting with Jimmy Smith, where Smith exclaimed, "I know who you are. You're that son of a bitch from England who plays all that fucked up shit, aren't you?".

    Carl Palmer on Love Beach: "And then there are those albums you're less proud of...", then when I held up my LP copy of the album (which I had brought to the show for him to sign), without missing a beat, Carl points to me and says "I am sorry, there are no refunds!"

    Didn't Peter Gabriel once comment, though maybe he wasn't joking, he couldn't understand why none of the other band members liked the suggestion of calling the group Gabriel's Angels.

  10. #10
    Recently Resurrected zombywoof's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuitarGeek View Post

    Carl Palmer on Love Beach: "And then there are those albums you're less proud of...", then when I held up my LP copy of the album (which I had brought to the show for him to sign), without missing a beat, Carl points to me and says "I am sorry, there are no refunds!"
    Hilarious!

  11. #11
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob_32_116 View Post
    A prog musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

    He then writes and records a 23-minute symphonic prog epic about the experience.


    Quote Originally Posted by Roth-Handle Studios View Post

    why does john wetton cry after sex?


    pepper spray...
    mdr250.gif

    Quote Originally Posted by Halmyre View Post
    I was going into a pub, and who should be standing outside but Robert Fripp*. "Are you coming in, Robert?", says I. "No thanks", he says, "I'm waiting for Happy Hour to finish."
    Is that even a joke??

    Quote Originally Posted by GuitarGeek View Post

    Carl Palmer on Love Beach: "And then there are those albums you're less proud of...", then when I held up my LP copy of the album (which I had brought to the show for him to sign), without missing a beat, Carl points to me and says "I am sorry, there are no refunds!"
    Hilarious
    kusanagui.gif
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

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    I'm going downstairs to be a poet
    Got a great idea, gonna write a sonnet

    A verse or two of fearless prose
    A priceless quip to gild the rose
    I'll make my fortune overnight
    My work will set the world alight

    Just a line is all I need
    Just a thought to sow the seed
    Just a word to start me out
    The rest will come without a doubt, without a doubt

    I'm going downstairs to write a book
    Got a great idea, gonna really cook

    A rattling good yarn with an ironic twist
    A riveting ending that's not to be missed
    Make sure the presses are ready to steam
    This book is a scorcher, a publisher's dream

    Just the first part's all I need
    The rest will come with lightning speed
    Just a line to set the stage
    My pen will dance across the page, across the page

    I'm going downstairs to write a play
    Got a great idea, gonna make it pay

    This serious drama won't be understood
    The critics will love it and say that it's good
    "At last a new writer, a true nouvelle vague"
    In no time at all I'll be king of the stage

    Just a story's all I need
    Just a thought to sow the seed
    Just a line to start me out
    The rest will come without a doubt, without a doubt

  13. #13
    Member Digital_Man's Avatar
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    [Didn't Peter Gabriel once comment, though maybe he wasn't joking, he couldn't understand why none of the other band members liked the suggestion of calling the group Gabriel's Angels. ]

    I like the part in the history of Genesis video where an Italian reporter was asking the band something like what kind of audience they like and Mike Rutherford says he likes audiences that sit down and listen to the music as opposed to get drunk and pick up girls and Peter Gabriel says "big ones."

  14. #14
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    I'm finding it difficult to believe that this is now going on twenty years old. Some of you will have seen it many times over the years, but for those who haven't, a slice of prog rock humour from the much earlier days of the internet:

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    How To Be a Great Progressive Rock Reviewer in 10 Easy Steps
    Daniel J. Barrett
    (Posted in Usenet's alt.music.progressive, April 1, 1995)

    Reviewing progressive rock albums can be simple. Are you tired of agonizing over the right words to use? Confused about your subject matter? Or are you just a lazy pig? Then use the following tips, and prog rockers everywhere will believe your every word. Trust me. Each tip is followed by an example so you can see exactly how it's done.

    1. In every review, you MUST praise the Mellotron. Always describe it using the word "wash."

    "Gentile Goyim's keyboardist, Kerry Mayonnaise, treats the listener to spectacular, warm washes of everybody's favorite Mellotron."

    FOR BONUS POINTS, also mention the Hammond B-3, and imply violence.

    "Greg Palmer's raw, two-fisted Hammond work pierces the listener's eardrums with sonic knives."

    EXTRA BONUS POINTS if you mention either of these instruments, and they don't actually appear in the music.


    "On the road, King Creampuff's keyboard setup consists of grand piano, harpsichord, and several analog synths, but strangely, no Mellotron."

    2. Any band that uses cello automatically gets a rave review. For bonus points, use the word "haunting."

    "As the music fades, a haunting solo cello appears out of nowhere, accompanied by a trio of Mellotrons, washing away."

    Subtract ten points if you compare the music to "Eleanor Rigby."

    3. If the music has flute in it, compare it to Jethro Tull. It doesn't matter that the music is really death metal, chanting monks, or atonal birdsong: YOU MUST MENTION TULL. For extra points, mention Camel too.


    "Paraan's music features Hyperia Gomez on flute, inviting comparison to Jethro Tull or Camel, even though the flute's main use is as a handy mallet to bang several large gongs."

    4. You don't have to bother describing the music. Just list the instruments and let the reader imagine the rest.


    "From out of New Zealand comes Genghis Ka-Ka, one of the finest prog bands I've ever heard. If you are a fan of acoustic guitar, haunting cello, and explosive, annihilating Hammond B-3, you MUST check out this album."

    5. Mention the length of at least one song. Extra points if you call it an "opus."

    "Side 2 of the album is completely taken up by 'Ode to Bowser', a 22-minute magnum opus based on the theme from 'My Dog Has Fleas.'"

    6. Casually mention the name of an extremely obscure band that one of the musicians used to play in, making your reader feel REALLY stupid or disloyal for not knowing it.

    "... featuring Sergio Blammobarpher, whom fans will no doubt recall as the charismatic ex-triangle player from ubiquitous Icelandic proggers Hund Extinctski Thirstifollicle."

    THE CUNEFORM COROLLARY: put completely obscure band names in parentheses for extra points.

    "Rounding out the group's sound is Bridgid Kirsch (Dootwhapper, B'nai Gwelzh) on freshly washed Mellotron."

    7. The Syn-Phonic Rule: Praise every album by calling it the "best" example of a totally contrived category. Don't forget the exclamation points.

    * Museo Rubenstein, PASTAFAZOOL ($18). Possibly the ultimate Eskimo bassoon band of all time!!!!

    8. If a progressive album features very long, drawn-out, incredibly repetitive, boring instrumentals, call it "space music."

    "Space rockers Mimsy Borogoves specialize in atmospheric drones that last upwards of four hours before switching notes."

    9. Use abbreviations known only to seasoned proggers.

    "Zyzzyva's music is a thrilling blend of PFM, HTM, RIO, TNR, ZNR, and PDQ Bach."

    10. Every keyboard/bass/drums trio MUST be compared to ELP.
    Every quiet, symphonic prog album MUST be compared to PER UN AMICO.
    All raw, loud music MUST be compared to King Crimson's RED.
    All counterpoint MUST be compared to Gentle Giant. Bonus points if it sounds nothing like Gentle Giant.
    Every "old Genesis style" band MUST be compared to Marillion, not Genesis.
    Every male vocalist with a high voice MUST be compared to Jon Anderson.
    Every female vocalist, regardless of range or style, MUST be compared to Annie Haslam.
    Every band that uses sudden, unpredictable tempo and time signature changes MUST be compared to Barry Manilow.


    "Angled Guard, Sweden's newest prog sensation, combines the beauty of PER UN AMICO with the rawness of RED, producing a progressive, symphonic extravaganza that could only have come from Marillion. Lead singers Jon Haslam and Annie Anderson are pictured on the album cover, inserting twin flutes up Barry Manilow's nose... taking the instrument far beyond anything Camel and Tull ever did."


    Dan
    ---
    Copyright 1995 by Daniel J. Barrett. All rights reserved.
    This article may be freely distributed as long as it is distributed in its
    entirety. It may not be included in any publication without the written
    permission of the author. So nyaaah.
    Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.

    *** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***

  15. #15
    Recently Resurrected zombywoof's Avatar
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    I've never seen that, thanks Lorne!

  16. #16
    Insect Overlord Progatron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zombywoof View Post
    I've never seen that, thanks Lorne!
    You were just a toddler when that first appeared. Glad you enjoyed it! I've always gotten a laugh out of it.
    Interviewer of reprobate ne'er-do-well musicians of the long-haired rock n' roll persuasion at: www.velvetthunder.co.uk and former scribe at Classic Rock Society. Only vaguely aware of anything other than music.

    *** Join me in the Garden of Delights for 3 hours of tune-spinning... every Saturday at 5pm EST on Deep Nuggets radio! www.deepnuggets.com ***

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by davis View Post
    Dave Brock's son could be considered a chip off the old Brock...
    But only in Japan.

  18. #18
    Member augdimsus's Avatar
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    During his brief candidacy for membership in Asia, Roy Wood's sage guidance to Steve Howe:

    "Flippin’ ‘eck, keep playing those posh licks, like, on the guitar."

  19. #19
    I am pretty sure "Prog Rock" does not have a sense of humor... although when ya think about it...... "Asia" was pretty funny.
    Of course, not being of the daily persuasion in this opinion laden public prog bathhouse, my diatribe of recent lucubration is perhaps as welcome as a rats teat. One often is forced to weigh the desire to flash judgment within against the effort required as well as the value this knowledge will be to the greater good of all mankind or whatever inhabits the current spa. At best, its a slippery slope.

  20. #20
    Oh No! Bass Solo! klothos's Avatar
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    Q) A prog musician, a pop musician, and Santa Claus are walking down the street and see a hot female groupie. Who gets the hot female groupie?

    A) The Pop Musician, because there is no such thing as Santa Claus or a hot Prog female groupie

  21. #21
    Oh No! Bass Solo! klothos's Avatar
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    Im sure its been posted on PE a thousand times, but it belongs in this thread:


    http://www.cracked.com/funny-2359-progressive-rock/

  22. #22
    Member Lopez's Avatar
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    Several years ago, I saw the acoustic Strawbs in a little club outside of Boston. Some yahoo in the audience yelled, "Where's the Mellotron?" To which Dave Cousins responded, "I had it miniaturized so I could play it with my bum."
    Lou

    Looking forward to my day in court.

  23. #23
    Highly Evolved Orangutan JKL2000's Avatar
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    Speaking of Brock, Prog mag had a great caption for a photo of him . There were were some colored stage lights shining on his face as he played guitar and the caption was "Dave Brock: his face still lights up when he plays."

  24. #24
    Member augdimsus's Avatar
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    That CRACKED site band-naming chart is reminiscent of...

    "Part IV, Gangster of Boats Trilogy"...

    ...the most humorous aspect of which was when music reviewers used it as evidence of Rush's pretentiousness.

  25. #25
    Recently Resurrected zombywoof's Avatar
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    I always thought that was a reference to George Lucas insisting on calling the first part of his trilogy, 'Part IV'.

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