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Thread: Music related jokes

  1. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    I know some vehicle terminology is somewhat different in the US, but a convertible van? huh?
    The van mentioned is the AAA locksmith.

    The convertible car with the locked keys is owned by the bass player.

    Two separate vehicles.
    And if there were a god, I think it very unlikely that he would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence - Russell

  2. #27
    Member ForeverAutumn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeterG View Post
    I know some vehicle terminology is somewhat different in the US, but a convertible van? huh?
    LMAO! Read it again. The convertable was a car. The AAA (rescue) vehicle was a van.

    So are you a drummer or a bass player?

  3. #28
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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    Music isn't about chops, or even about talent - it's about sound and the way that sound communicates to people. Mike Keneally

  4. #29
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    It sorta *does* look like something a bassplayer would do.

  5. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post

    It sorta *does* look like something a bassplayer would do.
    Actually, it's exactly the kind of a thing a progressive rock fan would do. In fact, one such person has done it, in consort with two other pillocks (one of whom hates Genesis). On Top Gear (co-presented by Jeremy Clarkson, a known progressive rock fan), they actually created a convertible "people carrier" (mini-van in US parlance). As I recall, the new convertible top they had created caused the vehicle to get stuck in a car wash, which in turn caught fire. I repeat: they managed to set fire to a car wash!

  6. #31
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GuitarGeek View Post
    Actually, it's exactly the kind of a thing a progressive rock fan would do. In fact, one such person has done it, in consort with two other pillocks (one of whom hates Genesis). On Top Gear (co-presented by Jeremy Clarkson, a known progressive rock fan), they actually created a convertible "people carrier" (mini-van in US parlance). As I recall, the new convertible top they had created caused the vehicle to get stuck in a car wash, which in turn caught fire. I repeat: they managed to set fire to a car wash!
    I thought you were joking.

  7. #32
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    That Pontiac looks like a mobile jacuzzi on wheels

    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    I thought you were joking.
    joke aside, I had an ex-colleague who had a first convertible generation VW Golf (Rabbit for N-Am), but the hood was in total shreads and he didn't want to pay for another one... So he away a hood from an watertight inflammable safety cover... He'd done an incredible job too. Spent weeks working on and adjusting on this thing (nothing like this stupid Top Gear idiocy)

    Anyway, two months afterwards, the car took fire (unrelated to the new hood I think) and was a total write-off... So intense was the fire, that even the new inflammable hood didn't really survive, but it was in much better shape than the rest of the car
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

  8. #33
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    Keep the accordion jokes coming... my GF's neighbour (a total dickhead, too) plays it professionally (celtic, bal musette and klezmer)... can't wait to say those in front of him.
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trane View Post
    Keep the accordion jokes coming... my GF's neighbour (a total dickhead, too) plays it professionally (celtic, bal musette and klezmer)... can't wait to say those in front of him.
    why not start off with the old proverb that “a gentleman is someone, who knows how to play the accordion, but does not do it”...

  10. #35
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iguana View Post
    why not start off with the old proverb that “a gentleman is someone, who knows how to play the accordion, but does not do it”...


    Yeah, that one is a signature of someone on this board.
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

  11. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by iguana View Post
    why not start off with the old proverb that “a gentleman is someone, who knows how to play the accordion, but does not do it”...
    Gee, I don;t remember where I heard that one before... it sounds kinda familiar (and yes, I play accordion too).
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    A gentleman is defined as someone who knows how to play the accordion, and doesn't.

  12. #37
    That's Mr. to you, Sir!! Trane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BobM View Post
    (and yes, I play accordion too).
    My condoleances
    my music collection increased tenfolds when I switched from drug-addicts to complete nutcases.

  13. #38
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    Q: how many music industry execs does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: 78. one changes the lightbulb and 77 are on the guest list.

  14. #39
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    A guy is vacationing on a remote tropical island. The first night, he hears distant, repetitive drumming coming from the other side of the island. It goes on for a couple of days, and finally he asks the resort maitre d' about it.
    The maitre d' replies, "Sir, just pray that the drumming doesn't stop."
    The man asks "Why, what happens when it stops?"
    The maitre d' replies, "The bass solo."

  15. #40
    I'm here for the moosic NogbadTheBad's Avatar
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    Have to say I'm buying a lot of accordian music these days, Lars Hollmer, Alek Redfearn, Aranis, KTU, Hamster Theater, DAAU, etc.
    Ian

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  16. #41
    Member bill g's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKL2000 View Post
    A guy is vacationing on a remote tropical island. The first night, he hears distant, repetitive drumming coming from the other side of the island. It goes on for a couple of days, and finally he asks the resort maitre d' about it.
    The maitre d' replies, "Sir, just pray that the drumming doesn't stop."
    The man asks "Why, what happens when it stops?"
    The maitre d' replies, "The bass solo."
    This for those who wanted to read it again, but didn't want to go back to page one to do so...

  17. #42
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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  18. #43
    Member bill g's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NogbadTheBad View Post
    Have to say I'm buying a lot of accordian music these days, Lars Hollmer, Alek Redfearn, Aranis, KTU, Hamster Theater, DAAU, etc.
    Yeah, I have to admit it can sound pretty nice in the right setting. I can't personally get into anything approaching polka, but in a more melodic French setting, its pretty nice. I've picked up some of those artists as well. And then, of course, there's Peter Gabriel's little solo in 'Stagnation'.

  19. #44
    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    I thought you were joking.
    About what? That they made a convertible people carrier? Or that they set fire to the car wash? Or that Jeremy Clarkson is a progressive rock fan?

  20. #45
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Those are all propositions that need verification.

  21. #46
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
    Ladies in Pain.

  22. #47
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    What is the range of an accordion?
    Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!

  23. #48
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    What is the definition of perfect pitch?
    Closing your eyes, turning your back and throwing an accordion into the bin without touching the sides.

  24. #49
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    This guy walks into an antique store and notices a brass rat sitting on one of the top shelves. He asks the clerk, "How much for that brass rat?". The clerk says "Well sir, it's 25 bucks just for the rat, and 50 bucks if you want to hear the story that goes with it. Take my word, you'll want to *hear* the story." The guy says "No, I believe I'll just take the rat for 25 bucks."

    So, this fella takes his brass rat and heads down the street. Right away he notices that a *real* rat is following him, so he makes a quick turn down the next street. He passes an alley, at which point about a half-dozen rats come out and start following him. This guy is getting pretty panicked at this point, so he starts heading out toward the outskirts of town. When he passes the town dump, *hundreds* of rats stream out and follow him. Our hero is beside himself at this point, so as he passes the river that winds around town, he tosses the brass rat right in the drink. Every last one of the real rats follows the brass rat into the river and drowns.

    Relieved, our protagonist heads back to the antique store where he got the brass rat. "I knew it!", says the clerk, "You're back to hear the story about the rat, aren't you?". "No sir", says the guy, "I just wanted to find out how much you're asking for that brass accordion I see you've got up there."

  25. #50
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know."

    A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"

    The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

    Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!"

    The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?"

    "I'm a musician, I play the accordion."

    The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

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