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Thread: Most Offensively Stupid Prog Rock Title Ever

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    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Most Offensively Stupid Prog Rock Title Ever

    OK this might be controversial, but it's an easy one for me: "The Revealing Science of God": just offensively dog-ass dumb and pretentious to boot. How can you beat that?

    Look I'm sure Jon is a wonderful loving person, far more talented and better person than I, and no doubt this was coming from a benevolent place, but I wouldn't even be able to make up something as egregiously discombobulated and convoluted. "The Mellifluous Melody of Dog Flatulence'? Nah, not even close...
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  2. #2
    Uh ohh. Strap in for the ride...

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    Member Zeuhlmate's Avatar
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    For sheer I swallowed a dictionary and now Im gonna throw it up on you factor, it's still hard to beat Dave Greenslade's The Pentateuch of the Cosmogony.

    He was always relentless in his pursuit of the teenybopper audience.

  5. #5
    hahhahaha you're so right! But it's a fuckin great piece of music

  6. #6
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mascodagama View Post
    For sheer “I swallowed a dictionary and now I’m gonna throw it up on you” factor, it's still hard to beat Dave Greenslade's The Pentateuch of the Cosmogony.

    He was always relentless in his pursuit of the teenybopper audience.
    Ooooo! That's a good one! Even a contender!
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    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DocProgger View Post
    Uh ohh. Strap in for the ride...
    That's what I'm here for...
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  8. #8
    Member since March 2004 mozo-pg's Avatar
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    If we expanded the definition to include Punk, I'd nominate (more on the offensive side, though):

    To Drunk To Fuck - Dead Kennedys or Can You Pussy Do The Dog? - The Cramps
    Last edited by mozo-pg; 6 Days Ago at 06:16 PM.

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    Highly Evolved Orangutan JKL2000's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    OK this might be controversial, but it's an easy one for me: "The Revealing Science of God": just offensively dog-ass dumb and pretentious to boot. How can you beat that?

    Look I'm sure Jon is a wonderful loving person, far more talented and better person than I, and no doubt this was coming from a benevolent place, but I wouldn't even be able to make up something as egregiously discombobulated and convoluted. "The Mellifluous Melody of Dog Flatulence'? Nah, not even close...
    Dude, you should be happy it wasn't titled "The Blissful Devotee and his Cosmic Romance."

    I'll play along and suggest the Japanese band Outer Limits' "A Boy Playing The Magical Bugle Horn."

    #metoo

    I'm guessing this will be a late-entry favorite for best thread of 2018! Well done!
    Last edited by JKL2000; 6 Days Ago at 06:00 PM.
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  10. #10
    Larks Tongues in Aspic? There's no way you can beat that. It's so pretentious people would be embarrassed to admit that it sucks.

  11. #11
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKL2000 View Post
    Dude, you should be happy it wasn't titled "The Blissful Devotee and his Cosmic Romance."

    I'm guessing this will be a late-entry favorite for best thread of 2018! Well done!
    Hmmmm, I suppose that might be even more vomitorious....
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    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zappathustra View Post
    Larks Tongues in Aspic? There's no way you can beat that. It's so pretentious people would be embarrassed to admit that it sucks.
    Nah, not stupid enough!

    "Nearly every culture in Europe has some record of eating larks, from the Romans to the British. Lark tongues were always seen as particularly valuable..."

    http://myths-made-real.blogspot.com/...hat-larks.html

    ... also insufficiently offensive.
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  13. #13
    I also submit for your consideration the album “Invisible Power: A Symphonic Prayer” by “Gandalf”. This one has really got it all:

    1. Artist has a stupid name. If he put out music under his real name of Heinz Stobl he'd probably have come up with some decent Krautrock. But when you pick a name like “Gandalf” you're more or less obligated to produce some weedy, bombastic-yet-gutless synthy toss like this.

    2. Album has a stupid title. If it had been released more recently I'd have thought it must have been procedurally generated by the Make A Stupid Prog Album Title v1.2 web page.

    3. Individual tracks have stupid titles, e.g. Second Movement: The River of Permanent Changes, Part I.

    4. Album cover is utterly toe-curling (the lovely sensitive features of “Gandalf”, wreathed in golden light, emerge between sea and sky - and it's pretty clear that “Gandalf” is having a SPIRITUAL ORGASM). Cheap, cheap photography employed in the service of complete aesthetic cluelessness.

    5. The music is shite.

    Everything that's embarassing about prog wrapped up in one album? Quite possibly.

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    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    I gotta admit, you make a good argument there, Mascodagama. Now I'm all pissed off about Gandalf and I never even herd of them! "The River of Permanent Changes" indeed! Sounds like an oxymoronic moron accidentally heard about Heraclitus.

    P.S. I did hear of the 60's Gandalf which is not bad...
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  16. #16
    Member Zeuhlmate's Avatar
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    'I Promise Not to Come in Your Mouth' by Frank Zappa - perhaps not very pretentious...

  17. #17
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    ^^^ Yes, not very pretentious BUT a stupid promise to make IMO and nicely offensive to some.
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  18. #18
    Highly Evolved Orangutan JKL2000's Avatar
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    "Six Degrees of Inner Turmoil"

    And it's just hard to beat the Japanese (of course, it's probably mostly accidental):

    Il Berlione - In 453 Minutes Infernal Cooking

    ^ and individual song titles? I give you:

    - At The Foot Of Polyethylene Tree
    - Wow! Brilliant Beauty With No Scanties
    - Tappy's Spices
    "Of course you are allowed to trumpet your profound ignorance by disagreeing with me." -- Facelift

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Zappathustra View Post
    Larks Tongues in Aspic? There's no way you can beat that. It's so pretentious people would be embarrassed to admit that it sucks.
    I always thought this was inspired by the Monty Python sketch about unlikely sounding chocolates in a selection box. I've just looked it up and it only mentions Larks Vomit but I'm pretty sure Fripp would have been aware of it.

  20. #20
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKL2000 View Post

    And it's just hard to beat the Japanese ...
    Indeed! In the Battle of Guadalcanal they just wouldn't give up they had to brutally and horribly root them out with flame throwers. Though SOB's!
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    Member Zeuhlmate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddhabreath View Post
    ^^^ Yes, not very pretentious BUT a stupid promise to make IMO and nicely offensive to some.
    I don't mind it's offensiveness at all, on the contrary. But stupid it is.

  22. #22
    Howdy Dave (in MA)'s Avatar
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    I love the album, but what the hell is Rising Runner Missed By Endless Sender supposed to mean?

  23. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by mozo-pg View Post
    To Drunk To Fuck - Dead Kennedys
    In what way is "Too Drunk To Fuck" a stupid title?
    "Improvisation is not an excuse for musical laziness" - Fred Frith
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  24. #24
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    Can oceans be topographic? Are they all topographic, or is the term applicable to specific oceans? If so, to which oceans do these terms refer? Are they tales from some topographic oceans or all topographic oceans?

  25. #25
    Member dropforge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mascodagama View Post
    I also submit for your consideration the album “Invisible Power: A Symphonic Prayer” by “Gandalf”. This one has really got it all:

    1. Artist has a stupid name. If he put out music under his real name of Heinz Stobl he'd probably have come up with some decent Krautrock. But when you pick a name like “Gandalf” you're more or less obligated to produce some weedy, bombastic-yet-gutless synthy toss like this.

    2. Album has a stupid title. If it had been released more recently I'd have thought it must have been procedurally generated by the Make A Stupid Prog Album Title v1.2 web page.

    3. Individual tracks have stupid titles, e.g. Second Movement: The River of Permanent Changes, Part I.

    4. Album cover is utterly toe-curling (the lovely sensitive features of “Gandalf”, wreathed in golden light, emerge between sea and sky - and it's pretty clear that “Gandalf” is having a SPIRITUAL ORGASM). Cheap, cheap photography employed in the service of complete aesthetic cluelessness.

    5. The music is shite.

    Everything that's embarassing about prog wrapped up in one album? Quite possibly.
    While he plunged headlong into undiluted New Age a few years in, Gandalf's early stuff is awesome. Here's the first album from 1980. Go to "Foreign Landscape" (second track, around 6min. in).


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