Generation X – Mid-life reflections

[notallwhowander]

Firmly entrenched in middle age, I think I’ve become keenly aware of the thinness of my generation in a way I never have before. I mean, there was a time when we were the young ones, the only game in town, as the Boomers were struggling with their own middle age. But now the Millennials are on the scene in full force, and I’ve been noticing just how any people are younger than me. The Boomers are reluctantly shuffling into retirement, leaving me and people my age to run the show for the next 25-30 years.

The thing is, the Boomers’ shadow has loomed large with my generation. So much of what we’re about has been in reaction to what they laid down in the ‘60s and ‘70s. I’m probably on the fringe, as most of my cultural imagination is still fueled by the ‘70s. (The ‘80s nostalgia that blossomed for a while has thankfully died down. Fuck, I was glad to get out of the ‘80s, and never wanted to go back.) The Boomers have been like older siblings to me, and being conversant in their cultural vocabulary has always been a good social strategy. Now… Now the Millennials have a cultural memory that ends with the ‘80s, and there’s not so any Boomers around to get my references. My fellow Gen-Xers are now important enough, and thin enough on the ground, that we don’t have a lot of time to talk to each other except on a professional level. So that effective strategy of being conversant in Boomer culture has diminished in practical value. For this I do feel genuine nostalgia. Knowledge of The Beatles’ catalog has served me so well for so long.

Some of the cultural touchstones of Millennials are things I never got on board for: Harry Potter and Pokémon hit when I was too old to bother with. Hip Hop wasn’t ubiquitous for me, and when it hit the suburbs, it was equal parts ridiculous bullshit as it was serious music. A white kid like me could take it or leave it. As it so happens, the rich kids at my high school took it (in the form of The Beastie Boys, etc.), and in opposition to them I left it, and stuck to metal, punk, and the intriguing cultural artifacts of the 60s and ‘70s, which still burn bright in my mind. For the Millennials, Hip Hop is just another part of the pop culture bequeathed to them through the usual channels. Still, they are bright, friendly people. Their cultural products tend to have a bit of a precious aftertaste, but that could simply be me getting old. They also seem, as a whole, a bit conservative, and a bit too ready to swallow American militarism without the post-Vietnam skepticism which permeated in the air I breathed for the first twenty years of my life. Not to derail into politics or anything, it's was just an omnipresent thing that isn't there anymore, like payphones, or Ronco commercials.

I’ve run out of steam, but to my fellow Xers: Hey! How are you all doin’? What are you thinking about nowadays?

[moecurlythanu]

I'm late Boomer with many friends who are early Gen X. I've got less than 5 years til retirement at 60, so I truly don't give a fuck. I'm in full IDGAF mode, generally speaking. While keeping an ear to the ground and conversant, I like what I like, and to be honest, stopped liking pop culture sometime around the mid-90s. I don't worry so much about what others find interesting, and don't find it limiting. Most of my friends have been my friends for a long time, and while we have certain pop culture touchstones, it's only peripheral to our friendship at this point. We enjoy each other for who we are, more than anything else, at this point.

[Adrian]

I was born in '71, right about in the middle of what is demographically considered Gen X. I have some good memories of the early '80s, in terms of the music coming out from '80 to '84 or so, and my best friend and I thought Atari was the greatest thing ever. But I was also raised by my maternal grandparents, which meant my siblings-by-adoption were boomers -- and so I felt a much stronger connection to their generation than I did to my own. I certainly gravitated toward their music, and I always felt like I missed the party of the late '60s, with so much potential for positive social/cultural changes. I never related much to our coming-of-age decade in the '90s, and now we're pretty clearly being overshadowed by the millennials.

I think one reason I can identify easily with most boomers is that they share those memories of what the world was like before so much changed -- I grew up with no Internet, no home computer, five TV channels, no cable, and a rotary phone on a party line. To millennials, at least the younger ones, it must seem like the Stone Age. They take instantaneous global communication and multitudes of instant entertainment options at their fingertips for granted.

I admit I'm a little confused at what glues millennials together as a generation -- what their shared values or experiences or cultural touchstones are. On one hand, I see a lot of them deeply concerned about the fate of the world and wanting to organize and do something about it, yet I also see a lot who seem to treat everything like an ironic joke. Politically, it seems they're more permissive toward others but more conservative for themselves. I also don't want to derail the thread, but the embrace of militarism really is something I struggle with -- but if you think about it, 9/11 was 15 years ago, so for a lot of younger millennials, they don't remember a world when we weren't perpetually at war and it was socially acceptable to take a more skeptical view of foreign policy.

In the end, I feel more like an honorary boomer than a Gen Xer. And while I like the millennials I know well enough, I do have a hard time relating to a lot of them.

[notallwhowander]

I was born in '71, right about in the middle of what is demographically considered Gen X. I have some good memories of the early '80s, in terms of the music coming out from '80 to '84 or so, and my best friend and I thought Atari was the greatest thing ever. But I was also raised by my maternal grandparents, which meant my siblings-by-adoption were boomers -- and so I felt a much stronger connection to their generation than I did to my own. I certainly gravitated toward their music, and I always felt like I missed the party of the late '60s, with so much potential for positive social/cultural changes. I never related much to our coming-of-age decade in the '90s, and now we're pretty clearly being overshadowed by the millennials.

I think one reason I can identify easily with most boomers is that they share those memories of what the world was like before so much changed -- I grew up with no Internet, no home computer, five TV channels, no cable, and a rotary phone on a party line. To millennials, at least the younger ones, it must seem like the Stone Age. They take instantaneous global communication and multitudes of instant entertainment options at their fingertips for granted.

I was born in '71 too, my birthday about a month ago, and while I wasn't raised by my grandparents, I completely share your sentiments. An old school friend of mine made a similar comment about being much closer to the older generation than the younger. That conversation kind of kicked off the line of thinking that lead to this thread.

[notallwhowander]

I'm late Boomer with many friends who are early Gen X. I've got less than 5 years til retirement at 60, so I truly don't give a fuck. I'm in full IDGAF mode, generally speaking. While keeping an ear to the ground and conversant, I like what I like, and to be honest, stopped liking pop culture sometime around the mid-90s. I don't worry so much about what others find interesting, and don't find it limiting. Most of my friends have been my friends for a long time, and while we have certain pop culture touchstones, it's only peripheral to our friendship at this point. We enjoy each other for who we are, more than anything else, at this point.

Part of the punk subculture was to cultivate that IDGAF attitude towards mainstream pop culture. While I never did a deep dive into the punk thing, it rubbed off to a certain extent. The celebration of what I always thought was true shite from the '80s and '90s has had me baffled. To pursue one's own interests with serious intensity, while ignoring the broad swath of corporate produced culture, made a person interesting at one point. Now all that hard-won information is freely available and removes part of the cache of a being a specialist. I think I feel this keenly because I have been in some ways a '60s/'70s specialist. I have no regrets. I like what I like. I have friends and the folks here to talk to about it. I am, however, interested in developing social bonds with my colleagues, and I have zero interest in professional sports, so I have painted myself into a corner when it comes to the usual small talk.

[Progatron]

Born at the end of '72 here... and I can relate to some of what I'm reading in this thread. For example: I was a child of the late 70s/early 80s, when modern technology such as early home computers or video game systems were just one small aspect of life - and even then, only for some people. It was a fun hobby, and exciting to think about where it would go in the future, but it never replaced playing outside and doing all the other things kids did back then. I'd enjoy playing with the computer or video games, but if a friend knocked on my door, I was happy to drop the joystick and throw on my jacket. Now, technology has completely woven itself throughout every conceivable facet of existence, and unbelievably powerful technological devices are an extension of children's arms... almost to the point where if you were to take them away, they would not know what to do with their time. The wonder of childhood and the natural, healthy education that came from social interaction has been replaced by the instant gratification of being entertained... by whatever they want, whenever they want. I saved money from my paper route to buy 45's or cassettes of the music I was starting to like. Or I'd ride my bike to the library and borrow albums. If I was a kid today, I'd have 29,000 songs on one device or another, as well as instant streaming access to any other song I wanted - all for free. No comprehension of the value whatsoever.

When I was a kid, competition was all about who could run the fastest or collect the best Star Wars figures. Today's kids take twenty photos of themselves and choose the most flattering one in order to see who can garner the most 'likes' on social media. We paid zero attention to our appearance (I have a class photo where there is dirt on my face, which my Mom never got over.) These kids are desperate to be as visually appealing as possible, often to complete strangers.

I saw two fights the entire time I went to school. One ended with both boys in tears, who later became good friends. The idea of a kid bringing multiple assault weapons to a school and committing mass murder was inconceivable.

It's a very different, brave new world for these new generations. So yeah, I feel considerably closer to the Boomers. There are always changes between the generations, but the ones that followed mine were so enormous, you'd think there had been five or six more in between.

[Adrian]

^ Great points. I agree completely with every word. My best friend and I would have video-game marathons during sleepovers, but the next morning we'd be out riding our bikes or playing ball or bashing out some music on the cheap instruments we'd saved up for. When we were younger we had our trading cards and Matchbox cars. Technology didn't rule our lives 24/7. Technology was a harmless diversion, and imagining where it could go was fun, but it was one little part of our lives that we were happy stepping away from when we'd had our fill.

As far as violence in school and society, my best friend was a troublemaker, but back then "troublemaker" meant something totally different from today. We had no metal detectors and no armed security guards at our school. A world like that would have been unthinkable. So would all the mass murders that seem commonplace today. The flags in our town these days are at half-staff so often, it seems, I often catch myself thinking, "What tragedy happened this time?" It's just overwhelming some days, and I worry about the kind of world my daughter is going to live in. (She's 5 -- we started parenthood late.)

So much has changed in so little time. Some good, but some not at all.

[polmico]

Born in '78 so I have no idea what generation I'm in.

But I work with teenagers every day. I spend more time with teenagers than adults.

I have worked for a decade in schools (five so far) with nary a metal detector or gun. The thought of bringing a gun to school is as foreign to the thousands of kids I've worked with as it was when I was in HS.

The fact is, teens pretty much haven't changed since I was one in the '90s. Technology only gives an outlet to every thing that was already there. My students don't let it rule their lives. They still use wooden pencils, read real books and write notes. They still eat lunch in cliques and pass notes and say rude things.

I don't deny the world is changing, and that I probably owe more to the Boomers for cultural touchstones than my own generation. Personally I believe X missed the opportunity to define culture. Millennials will not and are already rewriting the rules. Technology plays its part, sure, but it doesn't explain all the rapid social changes of the past decade.

It's too bad the current generation has no taste in music ...

[notallwhowander]

I see your point, X cultural contributions have tended to be punk/anti-establishment affairs that don't often seek to be mainstream. Even looking at the success of the likes of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, while they have been cultural forces, it has been more about being in reaction to the dominant paradigm, rather than defining it.

As the older sisters and brothers of the Millennials, I think we will have an influence on them. Honestly, a lot of the social change Millennials have affected are cultural projects started by Boomers and adopted in turn by Xers.

[Progbear]

Time enough, I think, for a rant:

[Sturgeon's Lawyer]

Born in '58: Technically a boomer but I don't identify - I regard people born from (roughly) '56 to '63 as a sort of "lost generation," neither Boomer (we were too late for the seminal Boomer experiences) nor, really, GenX. I think of us as the No Wavers, who pretty much created the original punk culture.

So for example, I kind-of remember the death of JFK, but it didn't have much emotional impact on me. RFK did, but MLK really didn't until after the fact. And I had no idea who Malcolm X was when he was shot.

I came to political consciousness during the Nixon years, and, believe me, that has a definite impact on how I think and vote to this day. For example: though a fairly solid Democrat, I will never, ever vote for Diane Feinstein for any office; she's too thoroughly covered with Nixon-style slime, and has been since she was mayor of San Francisco. Nixon, of course, left me cynical about politicians, but with a greater faith in the basic system of the Constitution - after all, it worked to get him out of office, if a little too slowly. I assume this to be basically true about all my cohorts in the '56-'63 range.

Many of the cultural touchstones of the real Boomers are alien to me. I never saw Howdy Doody or Uncle Miltie; my formative television moments are STAR TREK and LOST IN SPACE and the surrealism of Sid and Marty Krofft. Elvis was basically a fat old geek to me (though I've since come to like some of his music) and the Beatles, while I like *them*, were pretty much irrelevant to me by the time my core musical tastes were formed. I grew up, not with "rock and roll" but with the incredibly broad palette of AM music radio that existed in the late '60s and early '70s, a time when soul, rock, heavy rock, (some) prog, reggae, classic pop, and country were all played on the same station. My first vote was cast in the election between Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter.

And I won't be retiring for at least another ten years.

[moecurlythanu]

^ Born in '61 and can second almost all of that. The Beatles still were a cultural force for me, though. I still remember the Blue Meanies and other Yellow Submarine characters on the cereal boxes. I do remember the war being on the TV news every night when I was a kid. That's got to affect an impressionable mind, but I'm not sure in what ways specifically.

I'll be retiring in roughly 4 years 10 months.

[ronmac]

^ Born in '61 and can second almost all of that. The Beatles still were a cultural force for me, though. I still remember the Blue Meanies and other Yellow Submarine characters on the cereal boxes. I do remember the war being on the TV news every night when I was a kid. That's got to affect an impressionable mind, but I'm not sure in what ways specifically.

I'll be retiring in roughly 4 years 10 months.

^^ That's me, except for the retiring part. I'm not sure I ever see that happening. Certainly, not anytime soon. I had a Yellow Submarine lunch box. Wish I still had it today.

[Vic2012]

Born in 1958. We're tweeners. The Beatles were important to me until around 1967. I was a shade young for the Summer Of Love.

[ronmac]

I always felt that i was born ten years too late ('61). But, looking back, I probably would have been killed in Viet Nam. So, I guess I'm better off.

[Rune Blackwings]

Born in 1967....I feel pointless, like people tell me things of how great I am as some kind of joke so when I fall flat on my face, they can all laugh about it. I feel like people think I am full of shit and whatever I say is nothing. I see Death riding towards me and I feel so much left I want to do. I feel when I get to my parents' ages-if I do-that my choices in life will be which cardboard box to sleep in...in other words, I think positive thoughts.

[melanieshiffman]

Born in 69. This is an excellent thread. I will share my thoughts when I have a little more time.

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[notallwhowander]

Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far.

I see Death riding towards me and I feel so much left I want to do.

I hear that loud and clear. Mortality looms larger in my imagination too. I've managed to get into a pretty stable career, though I managed it relatively late. I have no kids, so the end of life thing, not knowing who would take care of me in my dotage, is bugbear I'm keeping at bay. Even if I do have something like a retirement, someone could kick me to the curb one the ol' brain starts going. A vivid imagination at 3:30 in the morning really helps to round out that bleak worldview, right?

[lak611]

Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far.



I hear that loud and clear. Mortality looms larger in my imagination too. I've managed to get into a pretty stable career, though I managed it relatively late. I have no kids, so the end of life thing, not knowing who would take care of me in my dotage, is bugbear I'm keeping at bay. Even if I do have something like a retirement, someone could kick me to the curb one the ol' brain starts going. A vivid imagination at 3:30 in the morning really helps to round out that bleak worldview, right?

I was also born in 1969, but I feel like I failed due to bad career choices in my 20s/30s and I have no hope of accomplishing anything at this point in my life.

[melanieshiffman]

I was also born in 1969, but I feel like I failed due to bad career choices in my 20s/30s and I have no hope of accomplishing anything at this point in my life.

Everything we choose in our life is for a reason. The people we are today is because of the choices we have made. What we want to accomplish starting this moment is our today and our future. It is up to us how we want to live the rest of our lives. Please have hope that this is just the beginning of a great time in your life....

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[melanieshiffman]

Firmly entrenched in middle age, I think I’ve become keenly aware of the thinness of my generation in a way I never have before. I mean, there was a time when we were the young ones, the only game in town, as the Boomers were struggling with their own middle age. But now the Millennials are on the scene in full force, and I’ve been noticing just how any people are younger than me. The Boomers are reluctantly shuffling into retirement, leaving me and people my age to run the show for the next 25-30 years.

The thing is, the Boomers’ shadow has loomed large with my generation. So much of what we’re about has been in reaction to what they laid down in the ‘60s and ‘70s. I’m probably on the fringe, as most of my cultural imagination is still fueled by the ‘70s. (The ‘80s nostalgia that blossomed for a while has thankfully died down. Fuck, I was glad to get out of the ‘80s, and never wanted to go back.) The Boomers have been like older siblings to me, and being conversant in their cultural vocabulary has always been a good social strategy. Now… Now the Millennials have a cultural memory that ends with the ‘80s, and there’s not so any Boomers around to get my references. My fellow Gen-Xers are now important enough, and thin enough on the ground, that we don’t have a lot of time to talk to each other except on a professional level. So that effective strategy of being conversant in Boomer culture has diminished in practical value. For this I do feel genuine nostalgia. Knowledge of The Beatles’ catalog has served me so well for so long.

Some of the cultural touchstones of Millennials are things I never got on board for: Harry Potter and Pokémon hit when I was too old to bother with. Hip Hop wasn’t ubiquitous for me, and when it hit the suburbs, it was equal parts ridiculous bullshit as it was serious music. A white kid like me could take it or leave it. As it so happens, the rich kids at my high school took it (in the form of The Beastie Boys, etc.), and in opposition to them I left it, and stuck to metal, punk, and the intriguing cultural artifacts of the 60s and ‘70s, which still burn bright in my mind. For the Millennials, Hip Hop is just another part of the pop culture bequeathed to them through the usual channels. Still, they are bright, friendly people. Their cultural products tend to have a bit of a precious aftertaste, but that could simply be me getting old. They also seem, as a whole, a bit conservative, and a bit too ready to swallow American militarism without the post-Vietnam skepticism which permeated in the air I breathed for the first twenty years of my life. Not to derail into politics or anything, it's was just an omnipresent thing that isn't there anymore, like payphones, or Ronco commercials.

I’ve run out of steam, but to my fellow Xers: Hey! How are you all doin’? What are you thinking about nowadays?

I think this is an excellent thread. I read about people retiring in 5 to 10 years. For me, I will be starting to work outside the home in about 4 years. I was born in 1969. I did go to college but never went to graduate school. That lingers in the back of my mind constantly because in about 4 years I will have to work outside my home. I homeschool my children and dedicate everything to them. You can say I have put my life on hold, especially after a heartbreaking divorce.

My priority is my kids. I want to be able to say in the future that I did everything possible for them and gave them everything they needed. I have people ask me sometimes why I don't take time out for me. Since I am both mom and dad to my sons, I just don't have the time.

Meanwhile, time is flying. The graduate degree that I was hoping to finish is not finished. There is so much that I need to do to continue building my resume. There is so much that I need to do before I get out into the workforce again.

Where will I work? What will I do if I don't get my graduate degree? Will I survive? My anxiety gets the best of me always.

But then I stop my thinking and ask myself this question, "Am I going to regret what I have done the past 14 years?" And the answer is no.

I don't think it is possible to regret giving something your all. If anything, I think I will feel I have accomplished the hardest job in the world - full time homeschooling mom (and dad) will always be my greatest achievement.

Everything else I have done in my life, including the jobs I have worked and the degrees I received don't come close in importance to my greatest achievement.

Thank you for reading (and please forgive my typos, as I am typing from my phone).


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[notallwhowander]

I did go to college but never went to graduate school. That lingers in the back of my mind constantly because in about 4 years I will have to work outside my home. I homeschool my children and dedicate everything to them.

Raising sane, well-educated children is a service to everyone, IMO.

[melanieshiffman]

Indeed!

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[Rune Blackwings]

Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far.



I hear that loud and clear. Mortality looms larger in my imagination too. I've managed to get into a pretty stable career, though I managed it relatively late. I have no kids, so the end of life thing, not knowing who would take care of me in my dotage, is bugbear I'm keeping at bay. Even if I do have something like a retirement, someone could kick me to the curb one the ol' brain starts going. A vivid imagination at 3:30 in the morning really helps to round out that bleak worldview, right?

There have been two things eluding me my whole life and they never seem to get fixed: financial stability and having my own home. I am keenly aware that I will have to face them and it is becoming sooner rather than later. I am not poor and I am not in a dead end job. I have an amount that I can make where I am going to be okay and I am well over halfway to it. But these are constant points of worry for me.

I don't have kids myself, but the end of life care does not concern me overall. I pity any child who would have me for a mother, frankly. I have no patience with children (or people in general) and I am rather selfish and I suspect somewhat sociopathic. I would be the worst mother ever.

[lak611]

Everything we choose in our life is for a reason. The people we are today is because of the choices we have made. What we want to accomplish starting this moment is our today and our future. It is up to us how we want to live the rest of our lives. Please have hope that this is just the beginning of a great time in your life....

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Thanks so much!

I'm feeling better and more optimistic now. My problem was depression, and I am getting help for it.