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Thread: The Difficulty of Dealing with the Passing Away of Musicians

  1. #1

    The Difficulty of Dealing with the Passing Away of Musicians

    I just thought I would start this thread for those of us who may have some difficulty dealing with this part of the love of music.

    Emerson was a very important part of my life, but in dealing with this over the last day, I've had to recognize that there were others who were also important to me musically. I believe that is helping me get over it. Losing someone close to you in some way puts you in a lot of stress that may just eventually be plain unhealthy to deal with.

    I'm just hoping this may be of value to someone out there because I tend to obsess about things at times and that's not good.

    As some have mentioned, we will be seeing more of this kind of thing in the years to come. Mourning is important but the other debris it may drag up is not.

  2. #2
    The death of an important and beloved musician affects me greatly even though I have all the music they made to enjoy as long as I can. The true sadness of it all won't hit me until the only musicians left are the Gallagher brothers and Nickelback.
    Mongrel dog soils actor's feet

  3. #3
    Member rcarlberg's Avatar
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    Grief is cumulative, and though you don't always know it, it needs to be grieved to release it. Having lost, in the course of four short years, my ex-wife, my sister, my mother and father, and my beloved mother-in-law, I found the least little thing could set me off on a crying jag. I found I couldn't watch Hallmark commercials!

    It's okay to be sad. It's important to realize that mourning is a process, which can be delayed but not avoided.

    All these musician deaths are hard, and they seem to come so fast. We need more time to process them, more time to remember and grieve and appreciate the music they left us.

    I'm still grieving over John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix.

  4. #4
    Agreed... When the passing of these guys seems to be becoming "routine" it is difficult to take the time for proper remembrance... And even though (in most cases) we don't know these people personally, they still have a place in our collective hearts
    Still alive and well...

  5. #5
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    David Bowie's death in January knocked me for six, and this one was perhaps even more shocking...particularly the reported circumstances.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by JJ88 View Post
    David Bowie's death in January knocked me for six, and this one was perhaps even more shocking...particularly the reported circumstances.
    My younger brother a big fan for years and years was floored by it also.
    Still alive and well...

  7. #7
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    Do we really grieve and mourn those that we didn't even meet or certainly didn't know personally? Isn't that for their closest family and friends? I'm not sure. Its sad when great musicians die of course. For me Chris Squire was the biggest loss, I expect it will hit me harder when I see Yes without him in a couple of months.

  8. #8
    No tears here either, just an eerie collective sigh and sadness that passes pretty quickly. Family and friends certainly will take on the real grief.
    Still alive and well...

  9. #9
    I have found that the death of recent musicians such as David Bowie, Piotr Grudzinski and now Keith Emerson have bothered me perhaps more than I would have supposed as I personally never even met any of them, rather just greatly appreciated their music. I have attributed this on a personal basis to the fact I am experiencing the gradual decline of my own beloved mother to cancer and other subsequent health problems. I am not new to grief having lost my father and other family members as well as a number of close friends. I must say the loss of beloved musicians is not doing me any favors in dealing with my mother's downward spiral. But death is the ultimate result of life so we all must deal with it when it comes and take pleasure where we can, such as being with those we love and listening to all the great music we can until we hear no more.

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  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by avaron View Post
    But death is the ultimate result of life so we all must deal with it when it comes and take pleasure where we can, such as being with those we love and listening to all the great music we can until we hear no more.
    I think this is important to remember. The prog rockers mostly have focused on positive things in their music and they have lived a lot longer lives. Look at how many of the punk rockers died young. At least we can remember when the prog rockers die that they spent their live largely focusing on good things. I think that's the reason for life in the first place. I know there should also be a sense of celebration of what people have done when they were alive.

  11. #11
    Well said brother!

  12. #12
    I see that quite a few of us are going through real world family situations too, and losing our favourite musicians does keep bringing home the reality of other loss. In the past year I have lost my Dad and one month ago my Mum, both harrowing declines. My ex-wife's younger sister also to cancer, and my girlfriends grandmother. It's been relentless.

    When you factor in those who have meant so much to me in music, Chris Squire, Daevid Allen and David Bowie especially, and it's clear I am somewhat shell-shocked. It seems there is no time to process what has gone on in my family, let alone those who have filled my life with music.

    I have never been fond of public outpouring of grief for those we have never met, but with these musicians it feels like we have sat in the room with them so frequently, followed their lives and careers and know more about them than is perhaps healthy. It's inevitable it impacts us, and when it is as sad as the circumstances of Keith Emerson, of course you will feel some grief.


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  13. #13
    I still haven't fully come to grips with Chris Squire's death. I used to sort of chuckle about the stories of my aunt who was so devastated over the death of Elvis that she couldn't get out of bed the next day. But then I began to see the musicians who have been so integral to my life's soundtrack dying, and I started to get it. I didn't have a particularly happy childhood, and I was (and continue to be) an extreme introvert. Music was my safe place, my escape. I could always count on the musicians on my favorite records to always be there for me when times got tough. I may have never known them personally, but they touched my life deeply. They were like friends I'd never met. So to me, losing a musician whose work I admired was no different from the feeling of losing a loved one.

    Emerson, George Martin, even Lemmy and Bowie, of whose work I was never more than a casual fan -- they've all hit me in ways I didn't expect. Squire's loss was more profound for me, as his music just meant so much to me. It was in large part because of his work that Yes became my favorite band more than 30 years ago. He was my second favorite musician, behind only David Gilmour. When Gilmour leaves us, I may end up like my aunt, unable to even face the day.

  14. #14
    Member Zeuhlmate's Avatar
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    Well, those who defined, developed and 'perfected' prog in the 60-70's have reached an age...

    Its depressing nevertheless, but from now on the 'phenomenon' will just accelerate.
    I hope that those who are still active will live forever, but what are the odds.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by rcarlberg View Post
    Grief is cumulative, and though you don't always know it, it needs to be grieved to release it. Having lost, in the course of four short years, my ex-wife, my sister, my mother and father, and my beloved mother-in-law, I found the least little thing could set me off on a crying jag. I found I couldn't watch Hallmark commercials!

    It's okay to be sad. It's important to realize that mourning is a process, which can be delayed but not avoided.

    All these musician deaths are hard, and they seem to come so fast. We need more time to process them, more time to remember and grieve and appreciate the music they left us.

    I'm still grieving over John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix.
    I've lost several close family members in the last year and had a close friend deal with her son committing suicide just in the last few weeks. These kind of deaths of course would effect most everyone, but not wanting to sound insensitive I'm not effected that much by hearing of a death of a musician or anyone that I don't know on a personal basis. Keith Emerson was one of the most influential musicians of my teenage years. I love ELP music. In no way did I want to read of his death. I was saddened when reading it. But it didn't effect me to the point of tears or depression. I wish these guys could live forever and keep making great music and touring, but we all know that is only dreaming.

  16. #16
    The truth is that one part of us drifts slowly away with them. It's sad, depressing but that's the natural course of events...
    Macht das ohr auf!

    COSMIC EYE RECORDS

  17. #17
    Member StevegSr's Avatar
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    For music fans, or any type of fan, the musicians become such an important part of our lives, it's as if we know them personally. The reality is that we often don't. Grief is a normal healthy reaction to their passing as long as it's not of the same magnitude of the passing of a loved one or personal friend, IMHO.
    To be or not to be? That is the point. - Harry Nilsson.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Nijinsky Hind View Post
    No tears here either, just an eerie collective sigh and sadness that passes pretty quickly. Family and friends certainly will take on the real grief.
    I think you're right on that.

    Quote Originally Posted by regenerativemusic View Post
    I think this is important to remember. The prog rockers mostly have focused on positive things in their music and they have lived a lot longer lives. Look at how many of the punk rockers died young. At least we can remember when the prog rockers die that they spent their live largely focusing on good things. I think that's the reason for life in the first place. I know there should also be a sense of celebration of what people have done when they were alive.
    Not only punk-rockers died young, but several rock musicians, like Jimi Hendrix, Keith Moon, Paul Kossoff, or for instance Freddy Mercury. And though the mucians who died this year, mostly died on a relatively old age, there are also musicians we loved, who though not dieing when they were very young, still died at an age we wouldn't have expected their deads, like for instance Frank Zappa, or Pekka Pohjola, though both left us with a great musical heritance.

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    I think it's a simplistic view. The only high-profile punk rockers that I can think of that died relatively young are Sid Vicious and Johnny Thunders.

    Anyone who's read Emerson's autobiography will know he wasn't exactly squeaky clean! The usual sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll hi-jinks...

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by JJ88 View Post
    I think it's a simplistic view. The only high-profile punk rockers that I can think of that died relatively young are Sid Vicious and Johnny Thunders.

    Anyone who's read Emerson's autobiography will know he wasn't exactly squeaky clean! The usual sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll hi-jinks...
    Most of the Ramones died....there are many more.....but this and other points taken. I still do believe that Prog aimed at something higher, not just musically, but in the lyrics.
    I don't bank everything in my life on it, by any means.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by spacefreak View Post
    The truth is that one part of us drifts slowly away with them. It's sad, depressing but that's the natural course of events...
    As profound as it is for me to see the end of people like Chris Squire (and that's a big one), George Martin, Bowie, Maurice White and now Keith Emerson,... none has been more personal for me than John Tout of Renaissance. I think part of me did sail away on that one. Piano playing doesn't seem the same to me now. It's kind of interesting to contemplate that the early death of John Tout's sister years ago (from what I understand) lead to him eventually leaving the band and throwing the towel in professionally. We're all connected. Just don't know what to say ...
    Genuine prog album from back in the day! - *free download* : masquepremiere.bandcamp.com

  22. #22
    Member Digital_Man's Avatar
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    The toughest one for me was probably Chris Squire passing away last summer. I was never a super, super huge ELP fan like some people are although I did enjoy their music(and still do)and even saw Keith live on two different occasions. But the past year or so including Chris Squire has been tough. Losing David Bowie was pretty jarring for me too since I grew up with his music. It almost seems like you get used to it after a while. It's more of the shock I guess and knowing a band will never be the same or in ELP's case never have a reunion because of his passing. I actually try not to think about it too much.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    I still haven't fully come to grips with Chris Squire's death. I used to sort of chuckle about the stories of my aunt who was so devastated over the death of Elvis that she couldn't get out of bed the next day. But then I began to see the musicians who have been so integral to my life's soundtrack dying, and I started to get it. I didn't have a particularly happy childhood, and I was (and continue to be) an extreme introvert. Music was my safe place, my escape. I could always count on the musicians on my favorite records to always be there for me when times got tough. I may have never known them personally, but they touched my life deeply. They were like friends I'd never met. So to me, losing a musician whose work I admired was no different from the feeling of losing a loved one.

    Emerson, George Martin, even Lemmy and Bowie, of whose work I was never more than a casual fan -- they've all hit me in ways I didn't expect. Squire's loss was more profound for me, as his music just meant so much to me. It was in large part because of his work that Yes became my favorite band more than 30 years ago. He was my second favorite musician, behind only David Gilmour. When Gilmour leaves us, I may end up like my aunt, unable to even face the day.
    Wow...well put. I totally understand when you say that the musicians were like friends you haven't met. Music (especially prog) has always been a huge part of my life. And nobody understands. I have nobody to talk this stuff over with; Squire's passing and now Emerson's. Even my own wife doesn't understand. I told her I was sad that one of my musical heroes had died and I could tell she just didn't get it. None of my (admittedly few) friends share my passion either. And how you feel about David Gilmour, I feel about Tony Banks. That will be the hardest one for me.

    Thanks for sharing

  24. #24
    Moderator Sean's Avatar
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    A not so minor aside...

    It's easy to get emotionally invested in the music that shapes our lives. And a wonderful thing if it does not border on manic fandom.

    But take the time to get equally invested in the art and music made by artists you actually KNOW personally. They need your passion as much or more.
    Last edited by Sean; 03-12-2016 at 04:42 PM.

  25. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by progfan915 View Post
    Wow...well put. I totally understand when you say that the musicians were like friends you haven't met. Music (especially prog) has always been a huge part of my life. And nobody understands. I have nobody to talk this stuff over with; Squire's passing and now Emerson's. Even my own wife doesn't understand. I told her I was sad that one of my musical heroes had died and I could tell she just didn't get it. None of my (admittedly few) friends share my passion either. And how you feel about David Gilmour, I feel about Tony Banks. That will be the hardest one for me.

    Thanks for sharing
    And thank you, too. I've had people openly mocking me for how I've felt about losing musicians whose work touched my life. It can be lonely when others don't understand the impact. Glad to know I'm not alone.

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