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Thread: Boomers Cleaning Up After Parents Thread - "But Someone Could Use That!"

  1. #126
    Orange Tick Squasher Buddhabreath's Avatar
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    ^^^

    Interesting. I had not even thought of the scent fading - now that could be a simple logical explanation for an apparently mysterious phenomenon. Occam's Razor once again cuts to the chase. Thanks.
    The combined fortunes of the world's 26 richest individuals reached $1.4 trillion last year — the same amount as the total wealth of the 3.8 billion poorest people.

  2. #127
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    When my father died, I got the phone call about one am. It took me forever to get back to sleep even though I knew he was going to die (he was 1500 miles away). I went to sleep and had a dream where I went into a room with my wife and my dad was there, wearing his favorite golfing hat. He hugged us both, said goodbye, and opened a door in the corner beyond which was a bright white light. He went through the door and I woke up.

    I'm not a religious/spiritual person and I'm sure my subconscious was dealing with my grief but still, it was a great comfort.

    Some of our pets have mourned the death of other furred companions and yeah, it takes them awhile to get over it.
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  3. #128
    Member Emeritus (A.M.P.) rcarlberg's Avatar
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    I don’t know if animals “mourn” in the traditional sense, but they (particularly dogs) are incredibly sensitive to the health of their owners. When my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer she knew it was fatal, and had always wanted a purebred bearded collie so she decided it was “now or never.” That dog never left her side for four years, and when she finally succumbed the dog developed a severe unexplained nosebleed that lasted a month. In a way this was a terrible thing to do to a dog, but the flip side is we figure it’s a big reason our sister outlasted her 9-month prognosis.

  4. #129
    Wasn't looking for this thread but what the hell, I'll update. Seriously though, where's the damned book thread? That's what I was looking for but alas, I failed. Unless I am getting to where my Mom is at this point, which would be, well, not surprising.

    She can barely walk. Ankles and feet totally swollen beyond twice their normal size. Spends all her time on the couch, supposedly watching tele or reading but she cannot remember five minutes ago. Can't remember the word for anything. Every thing is a thing. She once asked me to open a match to light a cig. She's nearly burned the house down at least twice that I know of.

    To top it off, I've been estranged from my sis and bro-in-law for a while until my sis realized what the hell was going on here. Now sis is totally invested but is dealing with her husband who had heart bypass surgery and seems to be doing very badly from what little I know.

    When it rains it pours, right? Life is so much fun these days. I don't know what to do, get a job - which I've been mostly failing at or just stay here and rape my mom's bank account to survive.

    I'm doing as well as I can, cleaning up diapers and blood, but I ain't doing well. A friend had a mother die, don't know why but it was a shit happened scenario and she just passed, gone, like now. I wish I could have had that instead of this torture.
    Carry On My Blood-Ejaculating Son - JKL2000

  5. #130
    Banned Dave (in MA)'s Avatar
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    So sorry you've been going through that, TheLoony.

  6. #131
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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    Sending that virtual hug. Absolutely heart-breaking.
    Music isn't about chops, or even about talent - it's about sound and the way that sound communicates to people. Mike Keneally

  7. #132
    Member Jerjo's Avatar
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    Loony, my heart goes out to you. That's just sad.

    I assume your mom is on Medicare or maybe even Medicaid. You might want to check to see if getting a nurse to come in a couple times a day is covered.
    I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'- Bob Newhart

  8. #133
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    They say the child eventually becomes the parent...something I'm not looking forward to with my aging parents. My older brother lives out of state, and my younger brother isn't on good terms with my mom, and can't quite even take care of his own wife and kids. That leaves me to care for them.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  9. #134
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by progmatist View Post
    They say the child eventually becomes the parent...something I'm not looking forward to with my aging parents. My older brother lives out of state, and my younger brother isn't on good terms with my mom, and can't quite even take care of his own wife and kids. That leaves me to care for them.
    Been there, done that. Hang in there.

    A day does not go by without thinking of mom, aunt, and brother. All gone. Sad, lonely deaths.

  10. #135
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    Also, when, not if, when one of them passes away, it will be incumbent on me to help the other with the funeral arrangements.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  11. #136
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    My mother and aunt had pre-paid for burial and the whole shebang. Didn't cost me a dime. My brother was cremated. I have his ashes.

  12. #137
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    ^^ It won't just be the service itself. It'll be coordinating with their siblings, my aunts and uncles, all of whom live in different states. They'll all need help with accommodations and transportation while here.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  13. #138
    Member Vic2012's Avatar
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    Good luck. Hang in there.

  14. #139
    jazz fusion, 80s, synth tommy_n_chucky's Avatar
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    First World Problems

    Young people today are far more likely to be depressed and to self-harm than they were 10 years ago, a new study suggests, as they struggle with body image and social media.

    Researchers from University College London (UCL) and the University of Liverpool analysed data from two cohorts of 14-year-old millennials born a decade apart.

    Fewer than one in 10 (9 per cent) of those born in the early 90s suffered from depression during their teens, but that rose to more one in seven for youngsters born at the turn of the century (15 per cent). The children of the new century also tended to sleep fewer hours on week nights, were more likely to be obese and had poorer body image, compared to the children... Depression and self harm on the rise among Millennials
    By Sarah Knapton (Feburary 28, 2019)
    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/...g-millennials/

    “I feel like I’m wasting my life,” he told me. “When I die, is anyone going to care that I earned an extra percentage point of return? My work feels totally meaningless.” He recognized the incredible privilege of his pay and status, but his anguish seemed genuine. “If you spend 12 hours a day doing work you hate, at some point it doesn’t matter what your paycheck says,” he told me. There’s no magic salary at which a bad job becomes good. He had received an offer at a start-up, and he would have loved to take it, but it paid half as much, and he felt locked into a lifestyle that made this pay cut impossible. “My wife laughed when I told her about it,” he said.
    https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/...happiness.html

    Millennial homeownership has been off to a slow start. Roughly 1 in 3 millennials under the age of 35 own a home as of the end of 2018, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. That's 8 to 9 percentage points lower than previous generations' homeownership rates at ages 25 to 34, according to research from the Urban Institute's Housing Finance Policy Center.

    Yet many of the younger people lucky enough to own a place still suffer from buyer's remorse. Nearly two-thirds, or 63 percent, of millennials (ages 23 to 38) say they have regrets about purchasing their current home, according to a new poll of about 1,500 homeowners from Bankrate.

    Only 35 percent of baby boomers (ages 55 to 73) say the same, while about 50 percent of Gen Xers (ages 39-54) cop to some remorse.
    The New 30-Something
    Have you or haven’t you cut the financial cord with your family?
    By Hannah Seligson (March 2, 2019)

    It’s the financial riddle of the 30-something years. How does anyone, even those with a stable, upwardly mobile job, let alone a family, afford to live in places like New York City, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, San Francisco or Washington, D. C.? The answer: Many are bankrolled, to varying degrees, by their parents.

    Hold the eye roll and exasperation about millennials and their failure to launch or the gushing of financial resentment for a moment, and consider the unforgiving economics of trying to make it in this country today. Wages have stagnated, while real-estate, medical and child care costs have skyrocketed. As one economic analysis concluded recently: “For Americans under the age of 40, the 21st century has resembled one

    AOC living in luxury DC apartment: No poor people allowed
    https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/polit...eople-allowed/
    By Alana Goodman (February 20, 2019)

    But Ocasio-Cortez’s new building — built by leading D.C. developer WC Smith — is part of a luxury complex whose owners specifically do not offer affordable units under Washington, D.C.’s Affordable Dwelling Units program. The Washington Examiner is not naming the building or complex.

    Ocasio-Cortez, commonly referred to as "AOC," repeatedly criticized luxury real estate developers during her campaign, claiming that their buildings hiked up rent prices and pushed low-income residents out of their neighborhoods.

    These include: two private massage rooms with state-of-the-art hydrotherapy beds; men’s and women’s saunas; a full-scale demonstration kitchen with wood-fired pizza oven; a 25-meter indoor lap pool; a rooftop infinity pool with panoramic views of the Capitol; a Peloton cycling studio with over a dozen bikes; and a fireside lounge featuring a Steinway & Sons player piano.

    Also included is a PGA-grade golf simulation lounge with a wrap-around screen and viewing bar that allows residents to play virtually at dozens of the world’s most exclusive golf courses with the touch of a button. Last week, Democrats mocked President Trump for installing a new golf simulator at the White House — updating with his own money one originally installed by former President Barack Obama.

    Apartments in the building currently start at $1,840 per month for a 440 square foot studio, and range up to $5,200 for a three-bedroom. The average rent in Washington D.C. is $1,340 for a one-bedroom apartment and $1,550 for a two-bedroom, according to the most recent datafrom Apartment List.
    By Michael Snyder (Thursday Feb 14, 2019)
    https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2019-...s-are-becoming

    People from all over the world are drawn to Los Angeles because of what they have seen on television, but it is truly a filthy, filthy place. The number of homeless has been rising about 20 percent a year, public drug use is seemingly everywhere, and there are mountains of trash all over the place. Needless to say, rats thrive in such an environment, and the epic battle that one L.A. journalist is having with rats was recently featured in the L.A. Times…

    Eastside, Westside, north and south, they’re everywhere. If you’re a rat, the California housing crisis has not hit you yet and it never will.

    At our house, it sounded like the rats were having relay races in the ceiling, and they don’t wear sneakers. Your eyes blink and your leg twitches as you drift off to sleep knowing that if the plague comes back, you are living at ground zero.

    In our garden, they devoured entire heads of lettuce. They destroyed my squash just before it was ripe and ready to eat. They stole my tomatoes, cilantro and Anaheim chili peppers. Were they bottling their own salsa?

    anger, mental illness, drug use and human frustration boiling over at times everywhere one looks.

    Yet it was a rat infestation and concern about human health that prompted the city of Salem to move the campers out. “It just grew and grew and got worse,” Balow said. “It’s badder than people can imagine.” Officials at Los Angeles’ City Hall are considering ripping all of the building’s carpets up, as rats and fleas are said to be running riot in its halls. Speaking of public defecation, San Francisco has become world famous for the piles of human poop that constantly litter their streets. During one seven day stretch last summer, a total of 16,000 official complaints were submitted to the city about human feces.
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  15. #140
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    ^^ The people most likely to die of opioid/heroin overdose are guys like me: men in their early to mid 50s.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  16. #141
    Member nosebone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLoony View Post
    Wasn't looking for this thread but what the hell, I'll update. Seriously though, where's the damned book thread? That's what I was looking for but alas, I failed. Unless I am getting to where my Mom is at this point, which would be, well, not surprising.

    She can barely walk. Ankles and feet totally swollen beyond twice their normal size. Spends all her time on the couch, supposedly watching tele or reading but she cannot remember five minutes ago. Can't remember the word for anything. Every thing is a thing. She once asked me to open a match to light a cig. She's nearly burned the house down at least twice that I know of.

    To top it off, I've been estranged from my sis and bro-in-law for a while until my sis realized what the hell was going on here. Now sis is totally invested but is dealing with her husband who had heart bypass surgery and seems to be doing very badly from what little I know.

    When it rains it pours, right? Life is so much fun these days. I don't know what to do, get a job - which I've been mostly failing at or just stay here and rape my mom's bank account to survive.

    I'm doing as well as I can, cleaning up diapers and blood, but I ain't doing well. A friend had a mother die, don't know why but it was a shit happened scenario and she just passed, gone, like now. I wish I could have had that instead of this torture.

    So sorry Loony.

    We went through that with our mom a few years ago..., good luck
    no tunes, no dynamics, no nosebone

  17. #142
    Thanks, guys. Really, I do mean that. It's kinda funny, the demographics of this board and how it skews older so many of you have been through this or are going through it.

    Like many things if you haven't dealt with it you don't know how to deal with it and much of life is like that.

    But, you know, sometimes in life, even when you aren't looking for something it just happens to fall in your lap. No shit.

    All of a sudden, this really hot chick I barely know, well, we are BFF's now apparently. Way too physically friendly for someone whom I may be neighbor's with but come on, we barely talked in almost two years and now she's hugging me and being way too friendly? Ok, Fine, that was probably the alcohol but I'm at this point, a couple weeks later, wondering. Because.......

    Tuesday night. This really cute chick walks in to the local watering hole and, no joke, walks right up to me and says "Wow, you're cute".

    As the greatest line in any movie ever goes, You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding!". John Carpenter's The Thing, for those who don't know. Anyway, got a really cute pic with her and when my phone get's turned back on I'll be in touch with her.

    But, oh, WAIT! It get's better. I will admit that I so don't understand women. Two nights ago a rather cute, a little older than the other two but still not a bad looking woman, started hitting on me. So I pulled her. After nine years of dealing with the crap in this house and the crap in real life, all of a suddenly I'm freaking Casanova. WTF?

    Took me that long to get laid, are you kidding me? It's bloody Vegas, FFS! Crikey, everyone around here is frakking someone and it took me nine years? I don't really try but still it sucks to always end up in the friend zone. I think I understand the platypus more than I understand women. The platypus doesn't make sense and women make even less sense to me.

    Ok, sorry for the tangent. Thanks for listening. Or reading, I guess. Whatever, as the kids say.
    Carry On My Blood-Ejaculating Son - JKL2000

  18. #143
    Studmuffin Scott Bails's Avatar
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    It's karma, Loony!!
    Music isn't about chops, or even about talent - it's about sound and the way that sound communicates to people. Mike Keneally

  19. #144
    After the last 24 hours I do think this can't go on. I can't take care of her. My sister can't take care of her and no in home care is going to work as she needs 24 hour care.

    So I'll be homeless sometime soon, she's going to make a bunch of health care workers miserable and my sis seems to be losing her husband.

    I hate the cliche it is what it is but sometimes cliches do work, like when it rains, it pours. This has all come to a head within say, two months? Just a shitstorm raining down. Broken car, no money to fix it, no job and then everything else. She's gotten so bad so fast. Wow.

    I do have friends. I have a little support system, so maybe I can somehow get back to the real world. I don't have any clue what's going to happen but I'm going to start getting boxes to box my stuff up even if I lose it all. Gotta be ready for the inevitable.
    Carry On My Blood-Ejaculating Son - JKL2000

  20. #145
    The stories in this thread blew my mind. Wow.

  21. #146
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheLoony View Post
    After the last 24 hours I do think this can't go on. I can't take care of her. My sister can't take care of her and no in home care is going to work as she needs 24 hour care.

    So I'll be homeless sometime soon, she's going to make a bunch of health care workers miserable and my sis seems to be losing her husband.

    I hate the cliche it is what it is but sometimes cliches do work, like when it rains, it pours. This has all come to a head within say, two months? Just a shitstorm raining down. Broken car, no money to fix it, no job and then everything else. She's gotten so bad so fast. Wow.

    I do have friends. I have a little support system, so maybe I can somehow get back to the real world. I don't have any clue what's going to happen but I'm going to start getting boxes to box my stuff up even if I lose it all. Gotta be ready for the inevitable.
    Medicaid will pay for 24 hour in home care. If your mom is only on Medicare and not Medicaid, she would most certainly qualify for Medicaid. Even if you're in a state with the strictest qualification standards. As her primary caregiver, Medicaid might even reimburse you for at least some of your out-of-pocket costs for her care. Medicaid recognizes 24 hour in home care is far more cost effective than a nursing home.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

  22. #147
    When my son was about a year old, my mother in law ran away from home.

    No, really. She is (literally) paranoid and didn't feel safe around any of us. She eventually washed up in Murfreesboro, TN, where she lived on her own for about 25 years.

    Then she fell. Somehow she got to the phone and called 911, but she couldn't get to the door so they busted it down. My wife and her sister decided that C. couldn't live on her own anymore, convinced her, and moved her out here.

    That left cleaning out the house. Aside from the dog crap (the police had put her big dog into the laundry room and left it there...), there was an amazing amount of stuff, some of it just rotting away. For example: ten breadmakers, some of them in the bathroom.

    But the featured performer was an Uzi. Sister-in-law managed to dispose of it to a collector.

    ******ECHO FOLLOWING******

    When my Grandparents needed to be moved into an "assisted living" facility my parents & aunt cleaned their house out. My grandfather was an ex-cop and had his service piece, his hunting rifle...

    ...and an unlicensed machine pistol.

    My father took it apart and dumped the pieces into several different bodies of water.
    Maka ki ecela tehani yanke lo!

  23. #148
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    ^^^^^^^^

    "But Someone Could Use That!"
    "Normal is just the average of extremes" - Gary Lessor

  24. #149
    My brother in law passed away last night in the 12'th inning of a Yankees game. He was a Yank's fan so it seems fitting his last moments were with them on the television.

    My sister seems to be holding up well. I think the majority of crying happened in the last two weeks with the bull crap doctors do. The last coherent thing he said was "I hate that fucking tube" so use your imagination. It wasn't pleasant for him at all and he wanted to go. She was ok here a while ago but at home she might turn into a basket case.

    And so life goes on, I guess. We'll see how life shakes out here.
    Carry On My Blood-Ejaculating Son - JKL2000

  25. #150
    Man of repute progmatist's Avatar
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    ^^ My uncle passed about a year shy of seeing his beloved Broncos win back to back Super Bowls. He was a fan from the beginning. I have a vague memory of him taking my brother and me to a game while were little kids, before we moved from Denver to Phoenix. I had no idea what was going on...all I knew was I was sitting in a sea of people, and every once in a while, they'd all stand up and start yelling.
    "Well my son, life is like a beanstalk, isn't it?"--Dalai Lama

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